Another Man Loved Me Last Night
by ahoy-cinderella
Summary: AU / MULTI-CHAP / 'though it was wrong, there in his arms it seemed so right, when another man loved me last night'
1. Chapter 1

**_new one.  
it sounded so much better it my head but who knows, maybe it'll work, maybe it won't.  
there's this thing called a delete button! haha._**

**_anyway, yeah this one is rated M for a reason.  
if you don't like that kinda stuff then don't read it._**

**_please let me know what you think._**  
**_i own nothing._**

**_what you need to know:_**

**_Cassidy never worked SVU so he and Olivia don't know each other._**

**_and for this I'm thinking current Cassidy, not season 1 ;)_**

**_lyrics: another man loved me last night - loretta lynn_**

* * *

_Yes, another man loved me last night  
I'd almost forgotten what love was really like  
But I'm only human only a woman  
I let another man love me last night_

/

_Olivia's eye widened in shock as she felt her back pressed against the cold, hard outside wall of the bar. 'Classy Olivia, classy.' She thought to herself. Being mid-October the weather was chilly but she was feeling anything but cold. She watched as he came forward, his steps slowing the closer he got to her, making her wait. She almost groaned at her lack of patience with him, but she held back, no way was he getting to her like this. She was ready, more than ready for him, she could feel it._

_All of a sudden he was practically on her. His hands slammed against the wall, one of each side of her head, his head dipping slightly to be level with hers, even in heels she wasn't quite his height. He kissed her, hard. Eyes wide open. She was helpless, she felt her body melt into liquid as his tongue slowly traced her lips, prying her mouth open to let him in. She groaned into the kiss, his tongue making laps of her mouth while hers fought its way around his. Pulling back for air, her head tipped back against the wall as she tried to catch her breath. Not before long her heart started pounding harder and faster as his hands made their own way down her body, stopping just at the hem of her dress which stopped mid-thigh and grabbing the material in his rough hands, dragging it slowly up her legs only to stop suddenly, and slide under the material. She let out a sigh, her eyes never leaving his. All she could feel were his hands, tracing slow, soft patterns on her thighs, going higher and higher until they stopped, one finger reaching higher and tugging her lacy thong from its place, her eyes glazed over as his finger gently ran the line between her mound and her leg before hooking her underwear with his hand and pulling it down her legs._

_He grinned and her head fell back once more, her eyes rolling back as he headed south with his lips, kissing her over the material over her dress before getting lower to her knees while continually dragging her underwear, it reached her ankles and he slowly took it from her, one leg after the other. He stood back up, face to face, planting another teasing kiss on her already pouted lips._

"_Mine." He growled as he shoved her underwear in the pocket of his black work slacks._

_She just nodded._

/

Olivia Benson shook the memory from her mind, her legs still went weak at the thought of him, the fact she never left his bed until mid-afternoon yesterday had her almost moaning at the disappointment of being back at work. She glanced up as Captain Cragen called her name and marched out of his office with a new case for her and Fin. She gladly accepted the welcome distraction for the messy recollections of her what was supposed to be a-quiet-drink-with-Casey-at-the-bar weekend and turned into a hot, intense sex filled Saturday night and well into Sunday morning.

As she and Fin made their way in the sedan to Mercy hospital her the memories of that night once again took over her already buzzing mind.

/

_They clambered into the back of a cab, all legs and arms and teeth and tongues. The separated when they heard the cab driver grunt and cough before asking their destination._

_After mumbling his address, he laid his head back against the headrest and pulled her body closer to his, his hand resting on her thigh. She turned to look at him but he didn't return, he just stared straight in front of him, slipping his hand, once again, underneath the hem of her dress._

_Her eyes closed as she turned to hide her face in his shoulder, hesitantly opened her legs wider to let his fingers slip higher. Her breath caught in her throat as he ran his fingers up and down the length of her slit, her wetness seeping through his fingers._

"_You are so hot." He mumbled into her hair as he kissed her head and slipped a finger inside of her tight opening. Pulling on of her legs up over his, making sure the cab driver couldn't see anything he shouldn't be seeing, he slipped another finger in her, hard. He smirked as she growled into his shoulder, trying hard not to be too loud._

_He twisted his fingers faster as she clenched around him, wincing slightly as he felt her teeth sink into his shoulder muscle. Her hand reached out and grabbed his wrist, her nails digging into his skin as his fingers drilled her faster, bringing her to the brink of her first orgasm of the night. He tried not to laugh as she almost squeaked when he yanked his fingers from her, watching her legs begin to shake from the intensity of the almost climax. She glared up at him, her eyes glazed over with that pre-orgasmic haze._

"_Bastard." She mumbled as her lips attached themselves to his neck._

/

"You seeing Elliot tonight?" Fin's question broke Olivia from her thoughts

"Huh, what?"

"Girl, where have you been today?" Fin laughed "You're in another world."

"Oh, sorry. Just a lot on my mind that's all."

"Anything you wanna talk about?"

"No." She replied abruptly "Sorry, no. its fine, just, girl stuff." She smiled.

/

"_Fuck, I'm gonna come." She mumbled, her hips grinding against his hand. She threw her head back against his shoulder and he bit down on her neck. She groaned as his hips began thrusting gently into her back. Her hands braced on the back of the door. He stood behind her, his hips pressed into her ass, watching her hands try and grip the flat, grey door, her nails digging into the wood as he brought her closer and closer to the edge. He slowed his fingers and chuckled under his breath and she moaned in protest, pushing her hips harder into him._

"_Shh babe, you'll get there." He whispered, his lips kissing the soft spot behind her ear, smiling as her body fell back into him. 'Remember that spot' he thought to himself. _

_He pulled his fingers from her and spun her round, smirking as she almost lost her footing and stumbled back against the door with a groan. _

"_What…" She began._

"_I wanna watch you." He growled, his deep voice making her melt all over again._

_His middle fingers thrust hard into her once more, relentlessly moving as his palm rubbed roughly against her clit making her knees weak._

"_Fuuuuuuck…." She moaned. "Yes, there…right, oh god." Her eyes clenched shut as her whole body shook._

"_Open your eyes." He pushed her into the door. "Now."_

_Her eyes burst open as her legs gave out from under her, his arm automatically wrapping itself around her hips, gripping her and pulling her to him as his hand never slowed its pace, milking her orgasm from her like it was the last thing he would ever do. Her hands torn at his shirt, leaving red marks on his skin as she fought against him, her now too sensitive body unable to withstand the intensity._

"_Stop…oh god." She muttered as she grabbed the wrist of the hand that was working her "Oh god stop." She laughed._

_He yanked his hand from within her and wrapped his arm around her, pushing her into the door with his hips as he bruised her lips with his own._

"_Fuck" He moaned against her. "You are so beautiful." He smiled._

_She laughed as her hands wrapped around her neck pulling him closer to her. _

/

"Yo, Benson, I know I'm not Elliot but could you at least try to act like you wanna work with me?" Fin joked as Olivia once again went off into her own world.

"Sorry Fin." She apologised, placing her hand on his arm.

"So you meeting him later?"

"Eh, I'm not sure. He was gonna go see the kids I think."

"They still not happy with you guys being together?"

Elliot Stabler had been separated from his wife for almost a year now and it had only seemed natural to agree to dinner with him when he asked her out for the first time almost 5 months ago. Olivia hated when people called them 'a couple'. A few dates here and there doesn't automatically make you a couple. As soon as Cragen caught wind of them being together he shipped Elliot off to Narcotics to keep 1PP off his back.

"I don't even know why he told them, it's not like we're a proper couple or anything, I'm not moving in with him any time soon"

"You could at least try and sound happy, Liv." Fin laughed.

"Sorry" She smiled "I am, it's just. His kids aren't happy. He gets angry when they aren't happy and we fight because they aren't happy because of me."

"You two ever actually talk about it? Instead of just arguing"

"Not really." She stated "They're his kids you know? He's an amazing dad, I'm not doing anything to jeopardise that."

"Yeah but he's been pining after you for years, you guys deserve a real shot at this." Fin told her "You deserve to happy baby girl, ya'll need to work this out."

/

_Olivia's hands gripped the dark blue sheets of the bed, her head thrown back into the pillows, she couldn't help but moan at the sensations cursing through her veins. She could feel the beads of sweat running down her neck and back, never in her life had she experienced something this passionate._

"_Harder…" She mumbled as he thrust his hips into her. _

"_Patience babe…" He muttered with a mouth full of her breast._

_She laughed and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him up for a kiss. "Harder" She grunted, biting his bottom lip. He responded by gripping her left leg and yanking it higher, her foot now resting on his shoulder causing him to slip deeper into her. She tossed her head back once again, her mouth open wide and a long drawn out groan fell from her throat._

_He thrust harder and faster, his hips pounding at a rapid pace, groaning with a smile when her nails gripping into the skin of his chest, dragging south leaving red marks protruding from his body. He knew she was close once again as her legs started shaking. He sat up for a second, yanking her hands from his body, intertwining their fingers and slamming her arms and his above her head. Her eyes opened in shock and the pair of the stared into each other's eyes. She moaned and ground her hips against his as he thrust over and over again ready for his own release but not before hers. He stared at her, her deep brown eyes gazing up at him, her body glistening under his, she was a beautiful creature. _

"_Come for me." He whispered._

_Her eyes closed and her hips shook against his, she shouted his name, the most glorious sounds falling from her lips as she flew over the edge dragging him with her._

_He collapsed on top of her, her arms flinging themselves round his body, welcoming the weight. After a few seconds he began to pull back until she knocked his arms out and grabbed his hips pulling him back into her with an elated sigh. His weight buckled as he landing on top of her once more._

"_Don't move." She whispered, kissing his lips softly. He brought one hand up, pushing back the sweat ridden strands of hair that had stuck to the side of her face and cupped her face gently, kissing her once again, eyes wide open, watching her every reaction._

/

"Hey Danny is Elliot still here?" Olivia asked the young rookie she knew from when he did his rounds with SVU.

"Think he's still at his desk, just over to the left." The young cop pointed over towards Elliot's desk

"Thanks" She left him with a smile and stepped towards Elliot. He turned before she reached him when he heard her obvious heel-clad footsteps.

"Hey Liv, what are you doing down here?" He asked, swinging his chair round to face her.

"Just thought I'd come say hey. Cragen sent us home after court." She smiled "How's your day been?"

"Paperwork" he groaned, motioning to the mountain of papers and files spread all over his desk.

"Shame that you don't have a partner any more to help you out." She chuckled, memories filling with days and nights she spent finishing his work for him.

"Well, I do have a partner now, he's just not as kind as you are." Elliot laughed.

"Hey Cassidy." He shouted over to his partner.

Olivia's heart dropped three floors and her smile faded as none other than Brian Cassidy glanced over to them. He winked at her as Elliot's back turned. She felt her legs grow weak as he walked towards his desk facing Elliot's, his hand gently touching her lower back as he passed her, unbeknown to Elliot.

"You must be Olivia Benson?" He asked, holding out his hand.

Olivia just nodded "Yeah, nice to meet you." She replied, shaking his hand.

Her body jolted as his rough padded thumb carefully glided under her jacket cuff to trace the sensitive skin of her wrist.

"Cassidy was a Narc before he went undercover for two years, just joined us back here a couple of weeks ago." Elliot's voice broke their trance.

"Undercover?" Olivia questioned.

"Yeah, took down one of the biggest drug rings in the country" Adam Grayson, another Narcotics Detective announced proudly, slapping Cassidy on the back as he walked past the trio.

"Well, it was good to meet you." Olivia smiled.

/

"_So what's a girl like you doing in a dump like this?"_

"_Avoiding crappy chat up lines." Olivia smirked_

"_That wasn't a chat up line…" He explained "Just a genuine question."_

"_Sure it was."_

_He smiled and sat down on a bar stool beside her. "Two tequila shots." He motioned to the bartender. Once the shots were brought to him with the ever present lime and salt he handed one to Olivia. She just looked at him and shook her head._

"_C'mon, just one" He smiled "Or can you not handle you're drink?" He dared._

"_You're not gonna leave me alone until I do, are you?" Olivia threw him her classic Benson glare_

"_Do you want me to?" He asked_

"_I'm not sure yet." She smirked as she threw back her shot._

_He reached out and took her left hand, placing a soft kiss on her wrist before lining a layer of salt over it. Her body went numb as his tongue reached out and swiped the salt before he threw back his own shot. He turned her hand over and held it in his._

"_Brian…" He introduced himself._

"…_Olivia"_

* * *

**_dun dun duuuuh._**  
**_let me know what you think!_**  
**_continue or not?_**

**_THANKS._**


	2. Chapter 2

**_got a few ideas so hopefully you all stick with me!_**  
**_as usual, please let me know what you think, then I know if I should continue or not!  
_**

**_i own nothing._**

**_lyrics: wrecking ball_****_ - miley cyrus_**

* * *

_We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain_  
_We jumped, never asking why_  
_We kissed, I fell under your spell_  
_A love no one could deny_

_Don't you ever say I just walked away_  
_I will always want you_  
_I can't live a lie, running for my life_  
_I will always want you_

/

Two weeks after their first encounter that fateful, drunken Saturday night Olivia had avoided Brian like the plague, not that it was that hard to do as she never seen him. Not once. She hadn't given him her number, so he never called. He didn't know where she lived, so he never unexpectedly showed up. He had never shown up at her squad room asking to speak to her privately, his deep voice combing up every erotic feeling in her body to the point where she'd follow him to the edge of the earth just to feel him brush his hand against hers. She had never had this feeling before, the over whelming feeling over risking everything in her life for one more night with this man. Her heart pounded and her legs went weak when she thought about him, she caught herself smirking when she thought back to the events of their night together.

_What the hell is wrong with you!?_ She shook her head and dropped her head to her hands. _You have a boyfriend you hussy!_ Her brain screamed. Well, whatever she and Elliot actually were, it never once felt like a proper relationship to her, they went to dinner, they went for drinks but it all seemed too 'partner' like. She had once felt a spark for him, a few years ago but now the spark seemed to have gone now that they were seeing each other, at least for her. Now that they could out together, they could make out and have sex and do all of the things that couples do, the whole idea of being with him seemed over-rated. She wished it was there, that fire she had once felt for him, she tried so hard to make herself happy with him but for Olivia, it seemed the idea of not having him when she wanted him was better than actually having him.

"Hey Liv, Amaro, we've got a new one. Narcotics just called us in. Girl found down by the Hudson, apparent overdose, seems someone had a little fun with her first." Cragen announced to the squad.

"Narcotics just handing it over?" Nick asked with a surprised glance at the Captain.

"Not a chance" He laughed "You know what they're like. You guys will work this together, seems the girl was part of a drug ring, they think. She's got some sort of gang tattoo, not sure how far this one goes. Tread carefully." He pointed between the two detectives before heading back into his office.

"You think Stabler will have this one?" Nick asked Olivia, pulling his jacket over his shoulders.

"Doubt it." Olivia told him, her stomach all of a sudden filled with butterflies. "They probably won't let us work together anymore." She sighed.

And she was right.

As Amaro pulled the brown sedan up to the crime scene, the pair exited the car, carefully stepping around to find the detective in charge.

"You find whoever it is, I'm gonna go see what Melinda has to say." Olivia pointed over to her friend who was currently hovered over the already bagged body.

"Melinda, what's up?"

"Hey Liv, beautiful day right?" Melinda joked as she pointed up at the sun shining in the sky. Olivia laughed along.

"What we got?" She asked, carefully peering over the body bag.

"Young girl, looks maybe 20ish? Had a quick look at her teeth, she has a couple of wisdom teeth coming in, they're also stained as hell, definitely a meth user." The M.E shook her head.

Olivia just shook her head and glanced around the scene, early morning, Hudson River.

"Could it be suicide?" She questioned

"Honestly not sure Liv, couldn't even hazard a guess until she's on the table, who knows what she's got running through her veins."

"Okay, thanks Mel." She smiled as she walked away from the M.E and her team and carefully treaded her way over to her partner who was deep in conversation with who she was guessing was the guy in charge.

"Hey Liv, this is Brian Cassidy, he's the Narc who got called out." Nick pointed at Brian who was currently grinning in her direction.

"Hey _Liv_" He smirked.

"Detective Cassidy." She nodded. "How'd you find her?" She questioned him, trying to avoid eye contact.

"The old guy was walking his dog." Brian stated, pointing over to the older gentleman who was petting his dog while relaying his story one of the other cops. "Dog sniffed her out, found her half in an out of the water."

"Body dump?" She asked "Or wash up?"

"No idea, that's what the M.E is hopefully gonna tell us."

/

"So, how are you?" Brian asked as he stepped closer to Olivia, mimicking her position as she leaned against the passenger's side door of the sedan.

She glanced up from her phone "Not bad, you?" She asked hesitantly, she could feel her hands begin to shake with nerves as he stood closer to her.

"Not bad." The pair stood in silence for a few minutes, watching the swarm of NYPD officers and detectives gathering evidence, making assumptions and taking notes.

"I didn't know you were Elliot's partner." She whispered.

"I didn't know you were Elliot's girlfriend." He replied, watching her battle with her emotions. "Look," He began. "We don't have to do this. You clearly want to forget about it, I get that, Elliot's an alright guy, I understand you don't wanna hurt him. That's fine. We can just pretend it didn't happen, work this case, get on with our lives. If me being here makes you uncomfortable then I'll go, we'll keep up to date with the case over the phone or I'll deal with your partner." He turned to face her. "I like you Olivia. I don't want you to feel guilty or regret the night we had, we'll just…pretend it didn't happen."

Olivia felt tears gather in her eyes, why was he being so sweet about this? _Maybe I don't want to forget _she thought to herself, turning her face away from his to stare out into the river not wanting him to see how his statement was affecting her.

"I need to tell him…" She admitted

"You don't."

"I just…I don't know what to do. I feel guilty for doing this to Elliot…" She told him "But I don't feel guilty for doing it."

"Would you risk losing him over it though?" He questioned "It was a one-time thing Olivia." His voice laced with disappointment. "What you have with Elliot could be forever."

"I feel the need to tell someone, I'm not good with keeping stuff locked up. It'll just explode outta me sometime down the road." She admitted. "I can't lie to him."

"You can talk to me?" He offered. "I don't know much about you or Elliot, I'll be an impartial vote." He joked.

"We had sex, Cassidy" She mouthed, her voice barely a whisper as so no one overheard them "You are definitely not impartial."

"That wasn't just sex Liv, that was animalistic, it was fucking hot is what it was." He grinned before continuing "But I can be a friend if you need one" He pulled a card from his pocket and a pen from the inside of his jacket "Call me any time you need to talk. If you don't I'll totally understand." He said while writing down his cell phone number "We can be civil right? Friends even? I mean, I am your boyfriend's partner." He laughed. "If you need to get this off your chest then talk to me about it, about anything, no hard feelings."

She smiled at the sentiment and took the card from him, glancing at the number before placing it in her pocket. "Thank you" She whispered, giving him a shy smile.

"I don't want you throwing what you and Elliot have away for one hot night with me." He started "I couldn't live with myself if you ended up miserable because of a mistake I caused." His voice lowered as he turned from her and walked away.

Olivia felt her heart clench in her chest as if it was stuck in an even-tightening vice. _It wasn't a mistake_ she wanted to scream _I want it to happen again and again._ He was being so kind about the whole thing, the only problem being, she couldn't get him out of her head. He invaded her every thought. She wanted nothing more than to spend another night in his bed, wrapped in his arms, his body overpowering hers, bringing her to complete ecstasy over and over again until she couldn't remember her own name.

But it wasn't meant to be.

/

"I heard you're working with Cassidy on this new case, the one with the girl they found in the Hudson?" Elliot called from the kitchen, Olivia stiffened in her seat and she couldn't help but feel awkward every time he mentioned Cassidy.

"Yeah, he was called in before we were, originally it looked like a junkie suicide but not so much anymore." She stated, keeping her eyes focused on the TV.

"Wanna talk about it?" Elliot asked, handing her a cup of coffee before settling down on the couch beside her.

"Not really." She sipped her coffee, hoping he would take the hint and drop the subject.

"You okay? You seem kinda off these last few days, you feeling okay?" He asked, gently pushing a strand of hair back from her face.

She smiled up at him "I'm fine, just tired that's all."

"You wanna crash here tonight?" Elliot grinned and leaned down to kiss her neck.

That over-whelming feel of guilt came rushing back to Olivia, making her nauseous and dizzy. She slyly pulled back from his kiss and brought her hand to his face, kissing him gently on the lips. "Not tonight." She said quietly "I've got stuff to sort out at home, the place is a mess and with this case just taking off I'm gonna have no time."

"Liv, it's just one night." Elliot said

"I know. But I'll stay another night." She reasoned _please don't make a big deal out of this _she thought.

"Whatever." He muttered, pulling himself up from the couch and storming off towards the kitchen.

"You know what?" She followed him, thudding her mug down in the sink and grabbing her coat from the back of the chair "I'm outta here. I'm not putting up with you acting like a child."

"Well forgive me for wanting to spend time with my girlfriend" He threw back at her.

"We are not teenagers Elliot, we don't need to spend every waking moment together. We are grown adults, in an adult relationship."

"You don't wanna seem to spend any time together at the moment…" He started.

Olivia just shook her head and grabbed her purse "I'm not dealing with this. We're _not_ a married couple, I am not your wife nor am I anywhere near being your wife. Don't start treating me like it." She growled at him. "I am sick of this Elliot, ever since we started seeing each other you seem to want to spend every second together, I just can't do it! I'm not used to it, I like being by myself, I need my space, this isn't gonna work if you're just gonna crowd me and hover over me and expect me to spend every minute of the day with you!"

"Liv, I'm sorry." He started "I just want us to be happy."

"Then give me some space, stop turning every conversation we have into an argument, let me stay at my own apartment without feeling guilty for not staying here or worrying that you're gonna hold a grudge against me for it."

He walked over and wrapped his arms around her, touching his lips to hers. "I'm sorry" He mumbled. She just nodded, hearing no sincerity in his voice.

"I'm gonna go." She muttered before grabbing her keys from the shelf by the door and walking out.

/

"Hey…"

Brian's eyes widened as he took in the sight of the gorgeous dark-eyed detective standing in his hallway. He stuck his head out and glanced up and down before staring back at her.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice laced with concern.

"Can I come in?"

* * *

**_continue or not!?_**  
**_let me know!_**

**_THANKS._**


	3. Chapter 3

**_got my first hate comment for this story! yay!_**  
**_so Lucy, if you are reading this, no, i'm not as sick as Miley Cyrus...what has that got to do with this?_**  
**_and my 'stupid mind' does know where this story is going, the point of my being the writer is me writing and you reading._**  
**_you have to wait for the end, i'm not giving everything away in the first chapter.  
that would be pointless._**

**_anyway, for the rest of you who didn't send hate._**  
**_THANK YOU, i'm glad you are all liking this story._**  
**_i have another bensidy story called 'Stand Back Up'_**  
**_go check it out!_**

**_lyrics: slow it down - the lumineers_**

* * *

_I never, she never, we never looked back  
That wasn't what we were good at  
And when it came to love  
We were not good enough_

_/_

"How did you find out where I live?" He questioned, stepping back to let her in.

Olivia cautiously stepped into Cassidy's apartment, quickly taking a look at the surroundings, typical man cave. She stood in the middle of his living room in silence, just staring at his couch.

"I'm a detective, Cassidy." She joked. "I have my ways.

"You can take a seat" He smiled "You want anything? Tea? Coffee?"

"Sure." She nodded and sat on the far corner of his plush light brown leather sofa, not even bothering to remove her jacket.

"Which one Liv?" He laughed

She turned to face him, her face blank, void of all emotion. "Sorry what?"

Brian scrunched his face in confusion. "What's wrong Olivia?" He took a seat beside her, careful not to sit too close.

"Nothing."

"Sure doesn't seem like nothing"

"I just…" She sighed, unable to find words "I needed to get away."

"Okay, you can chill out here if you want." He smiled "I'll go make you some tea."

Cassidy got up and made his way into the small kitchen area, his mind running in circles. Olivia Benson was in his apartment. He hadn't even known her very long and yet was completely infatuated, he wanted to know everything about her, wanted to spend his nights next to her in his bed and wake up with her in the morning. But that was never going to happen, she was in a relationship, with his fucking partner no less. She needed a friend, not some guy who was gonna keep trying to get in her pants. If a friend was all he could be, then that was fine with him.

The pair sat on opposite ends of his couch, watching some random sci-fi movie Brian had found while channel surfing. They sat in silence, he occasionally kept glancing over at Olivia and she was in a world of her own. He reached for the remote and switched off the TV.

"Talk to me."

Olivia turned to him "hmm?"

"I can hear you thinking. What's up?"

"Nothing." She started "Just…I dunno." She sat up slightly and removed her jacket. "I needed a break. Elliot wanted me to stay at his place again tonight, I wanted to go home. He got mad and spewed all this crap about how I never want to spend time with him, so I walked out. And I ended up here." She shrugged.

"You needed space." He stated.

"Exactly." She sighed, placing with the loose thread hanging from the sleeve of her grey sweater.

"Wanna talk about it?" He offered.

"We're not married."

"Okay…"

"He keeps treating me like I'm his wife. Like he has to know everything about where I am, who I'm with, when I'll be home…it's so…possessive. I hate it." Angry seeping into her voice. "He has never been on his own, I get that. He lived with his parents, got Kathy pregnant at what? Sixteen? Went into the marines, came home and lived with Kathy and their mountain of kids. He has never really lived on his own before, he's always had a wife, someone to come home to. He needs to be needed." She turned to face Brian "I don't need that. I like my own space, hell, I haven't had a roommate since my time at the academy. I like my space, I need my space and I like being on my own sometimes. He just doesn't get that. I understand his need to have people around all the time, he has always been surrounded by people, I have made myself understand that, but he hasn't once tried to understand my side of it. Tonight I just had enough."

"Have you told him this?" Brian asked

"Sure. I have tried explaining it but he's so bull headed that he just doesn't hear it, or doesn't want to hear it."

"I'm sure he's trying Liv. He has feelings for you, it's obvious with the way he talks about you." He told her sincerely. "How do you feel about him?"

"I thought I was in-love with him." She stated, "We were partners for a long time, first he was like a brother and then something changed, I dunno when. But I truly thought was in-love with him."

"What changed?"

"I went undercover, some eco-group down south. I realised that there is so much more out there. I've never really been out of New York, never really travelled anywhere but being away from here for a while, it changed my whole view on things. When I came back, they had a replacement in for me, Elliot was separated from Kathy, everything had changed yet nothing had changed at all. Everyone still acted the same, looked the same, turns out I was the one who had this dramatic change, life went on without me and I was fine with that."

Brian gently took a hold of her hand, his thumb caressing the palm. "It's okay you know. It's okay to be completely confused. I was when I came back from UC. You forget about everything and focus on the job in hand and when you come back, you forget what it was like before you left."

Olivia nodded, glad that she finally had someone who understood. "Elliot asked me out on a date when I got back, he wanted to have dinner with me and catch up, took me out to this fancy restaurant, it was everything I used to want. I used to think about what our life would be like if we were a couple and now I can't even remember it." She turned to him and gripped his hand "I want more, Brian. I want more than this. I hate feeling tied down, after UC I just felt claustrophobic when I came back, I couldn't understand why I felt like that."

"You had a life-changing experience Liv, you need to explain that to Elliot, tell him everything you've just told me."

"I don't wanna talk about him now." She leaned forward, getting closer to Cassidy, one hand gripped the armrest at his side. Her body leaning over his, their faces so close she could feel his breath on hers.

"Liv…" He warned.

She kissed him then, hard. His hands gripped her hips and pulled her to him, one of his legs in between the two of hers, her hands came up to his hair, one gripping the back of his neck, keeping him in place while her tongue poked out and teased his lips, she started grinding her hips against him, one hand running down his front to the hem of his t-shirt, carefully slipping under to run up the muscles of his stomach, her nails scraping gently over them. She grinned when she got a deep groan from him and his hips bucked under hers.

"Stop Liv." He tried to restrain himself

Her lips attached themselves to his neck and she bit down, branding him. "I don't want to." She whispered.

"You have to." He stated boldly, pulling back from her. "You need to talk to Elliot."

"No, I need to feel something other than what I'm feeling right now." She stated, jumping up from the couch and grabbing her coat.

"Olivia."

"No, I'm going."

"Stop." He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him "Talk to Elliot…I like you Liv, I really do. But I don't wanna come between what you guys might have together, I know you're stressing out right now but I think after you guys sit down and talk about everything, things might be different, at least then you might have a better idea of what you want."

"I want you to fuck my brains out" She stated "again and again and again." Olivia growled. "That, is what I want, that is the only thing I know I definitely want right now. I can't get you out my head and I know that's not fair to Elliot, trust me I know. But you are my escape, from everything." She said quietly as she grabbed her wrist back and headed for the door.

/

"Her name is Amber Strachan. We ran her prints…" Nick started explaining the identity of the young girl "She's twenty-one, she was caught trying to steal from a Bodega about three years ago and was found with coke in her purse, which is why her prints are in the system. M.E says she had meth and coke in her system, and her blood alcohol was point three, not really enough to kill her and there are no signs of a reaction to anything so for now she's unsure if it was suicide or homicide."

"Was she raped?" Rollins asked

"She has bruising on her thighs and arms, some old, some new. She was in the water for at least ten to twelve hours so any DNA samples are gone. Melinda says she's gonna keeping trying but if there was a rape, it's not likely we'll get evidence from her."

The group muttered and began discussing new ways of finding out what happened when Brian Cassidy stepped into the squad room.

"Cassidy, welcome to SVU, what can we do for you?" Cragen shook the younger detective's hand, Olivia watched as Cassidy threw her a quick glance, his expression unreadable.

"Sup Cap? We found some evidence, had uni's out scoping the area where the girl was found, they found her purse. Had some coke and a license, we ran her name and it turns out she worked for Julius Mann. Got fired just three days before she was found."

"Julius Mann, the guy who owns that limo company?" Fin questioned

"Yeah, turns out he does a little extra business on the side, escorts, dealers, that sort of stuff. We haven't made it obvious we know about it though, we wanna tread lightly, he works for some pretty dodgy people, we wanna try and get someone who knew her to come forward." Cassidy explained

"Makes sense…" Cragen said "Was she one of his escorts?"

"He told us she worked as a receptionist. Then told us he was busy and hung up the phone. Don't think he was too keen on telling us anything."

"Well he's gonna have to give us something" Nick stated "Threaten him with a subpoena, pretty sure he want won't a whole team of cops searching his dealership."

"Bad for business." Amanda joked.

"Just thought I'd swing by and let you guys know." Brian added before shaking Cragen's hand once more

"You could've called, you didn't have to come all the way down here"

"I was passing anyway." He shrugged "See you guys."

Olivia stood up and cautiously followed him out towards the elevator. "Hey" she said quietly.

"Hey, how are you?" He smiled

"Okay…about last night." She began

"Don't worry about it, you were stressed out, I get it."

"No, it's not that, I just wanna say thanks." She explained "For stopping me, I guess. I wanted it to happen, I did. But you're right…I need to talk to Elliot."

He smiled "You do."

"Let me know how it goes with Elliot, I'll see you around." He said, stepping into the open doors of the elevator.

"Yeah, see you." She replied quietly.

/

"No!" Olivia pushed back "You can't just kiss me and expect this to all go away."

Olivia moved to the armchair on the other side of the coffee table. They had started talking which lead to making out and it wasn't solving anything.

"I'm not happy Elliot."

Elliot looked over at his girlfriend, he could see the hurt in her eyes. "Why?"

"I don't know." She shook her head and looked down at the floor

"I don't know how to make you happy if you don't tell me why you're not" He explained.

"You need to give me space." She started, thinking back to what Cassidy had said _'tell him what you just told me' _"I'm not used to spending every waking moment with someone. I like being alone sometimes. I get that you have been married forever, you've always had someone to come home to. You need to be needed Elliot."

"I don't…"

"You do." She interrupted him "If you didn't then you wouldn't be so mad when I say I don't wanna spend the night here. You just need to give me some space sometimes. I'm not saying don't talk to me for a week or anything like that, I'm just saying, try and understand. I haven't lived with anyone for like ten years, maybe longer, I've gotten used to being by myself, it's all I really know. Just like all you know is being surrounded by people. I understand you, now I need you to understand me."

"I don't understand what changed, I thought we felt the same about each other." He pleaded, confusion gracing his face.

"We did, just at different times." Olivia tried to explain "After I came back from being undercover, that's when everything changed for me. I got a taste of life I guess, I realised there is more to life than SVU and being your partner, I don't mean that to sound harsh. I got into a routine of coming to work, being with you and going home. That was it, then I went UC and I had to fend for myself, surrounded by people I didn't know, I had to make a life and fit in, I was completely out of my comfort zone and I loved it, I loved the challenge. When I left and you and Kathy were married, going strong. I came back and you had separated, you had a new partner, everything was up in the air. I just feel like I'm drowning half the time, I just need things to stop for a second."

"I don't understand what that has to do with us…"

"That's the problem." She laughed quietly.

/

"Hey Cassidy, how did you feel when you came back from being undercover?"

Brian looked up from his notes to his partner, Olivia obviously spoke to him "Confused, frustrated. Why?" He asked curiously.

"Just wondering." Elliot said, focusing on the papers in front of him.

"It's a process Elliot. It changes your life, especially if you've been UC for a while. A couple of days? it's no big deal but if you've been away for months, you adapt to a whole new lifestyle, new people, new place, completely out of you comfort zone most of the time, it's hard to come back to before when you get used to being in the after." Brian explained, hoping he was helping Elliot understand Olivia a little better.

"She's been back for over a year now, surely she should feel normal again?"

"And let me guess? She fell back into the exact same routine she was in before she left?"

"Kind of, I guess."

"Then that's the problem. She's feeling trapped and looking for an escape."

/

* * *

_**continue or not?**_  
_**let me know what you think!**_  
_**THANKS.**_


	4. Chapter 4

**_finally updating! woooo!  
this chapter is pretty M rated so you have been warned._**

_**thank you so much to all of you who are reading and to those who have left a review, love yous.**_  
_**also, the ones who are sticking up for this story, thanks! means a lot.**_  
_**all of you disgruntled EO fans who have come here to slag this story (and me for writing it)**_  
_**whatever, I honestly don't care.**_

_**I hope you all enjoy this chapter and hopefully I'll have another one up soon!**_  
_**ENJOY!**_  
_**read and review ;)**_

**_lyrics: run - matt nathanson and jennifer nettles_**

* * *

_You pull me in close__  
You buckle my knees__  
I shake and I shiver just to feel you breathe__  
You trace my lines  
Stirring my soul__  
Shoot sparks at the heart of the world and I watch it explode_

/

"God!" Brian shouted, his fist clenched as slammed it against the wall. His other hand trailed down his front to rest on the head of the sultry brunette, his cock taking up current residence in her warm, wet mouth.

Olivia moaned and moved her tongue around the head of him a few times, smiling when his hand made its way into her hair and grabbed on. She knew this shouldn't be happening, she had known it shouldn't have carried on for the last two weeks but it had. She had texted him twenty minutes before, telling him to get to his apartment as she had some free time to kill after court this morning.

"Liv…" He growled, both hands now tangled in her silky hair, one brushing a few stray stands from her face. "Fuck, don't look at me like that." He muttered, his head thrown back, banging off the wall behind him as their eyes made contact.

She drew patterns on his thighs with her nails, lightly scratching their way up and down his muscly thighs, she had a slight fascination with his thighs, with all of him really. She couldn't stop thinking about him at every moment or even worse every inopportune moment. Whether it be working a case, talking with her colleagues, interrogating a suspect was the worst, all she could think about was him bending her over the harsh metal table and fucking her till she couldn't remember her own name.

She knew he was close when his hips began to move. He always tried not to thrust into her mouth but when he got close he just couldn't help it. She sucked harder, her tongue swirling around him.

"Liv, fuck. I'm gonna come." He warned, trying to pull back from her mouth.

She shook her head as well as she could before gripping his hips and forcing him further into her mouth, smirking when he almost squealed like a girl as the head of his erection grazed the back of her throat. His hands tightened once more in her hair, spots forming behind his eyes as he shouted her name and he let himself go.

Seconds later he found himself falling the floor, his head still thrown back, eyes closed, listening to the quiet chuckle of Olivia who was still on her knees between his legs. He looked at her just as she wiped the corners of her mouth with the back of her hand.

"You are so hot." He growled.

She laughed and leaned forward capturing his lips with hers. "Hi." She whispered, his hands ran up to softly tangle in her hair.

"Hey." He whispered back, his voice hoarse.

"I've gone blind" He muttered, grinning as she burst out laughing. He pressed his hand against his eyes.

"Shame you can't see this then…" She said quietly as she started unbuttoning her pale blue shirt, stopping momentarily to pull the edges from their current tucked-into-her-pencil-skirt state.

"Wow! Well look at that, I can see!" He exclaimed "Must be a miracle…" His hands reached out to grip the sides of her shirt, yelping with fained shock when she batted his hands away.

"Not so quick…" She stated, pulling herself up, teasing him, her hips swaying as she made her way into the living room.

"I got home not even twenty minutes ago and I can still touch my front door" He joked, his hand reaching to touch the door from his position on the floor. She had been waiting outside his door when he arrived, he hadn't even shut the door when she shoved him hard against the wall and grabbed him through his black work pants stating that she wanted him now. "There has been nothing slow about today." He groaned, trying to stand up while yank his trousers back up his legs.

"Uh uh. Take them off." She ordered, pointing towards his pants.

He felt his cock harden again at her stern voice and current state. "I'm feeling very naughty-school-boy right now." He laughed while yanking his pants and boxers off, his half undone shirt soon following.

"Hmm. That's better" She smirked

He looked her up and down, standing in her lacy red bra and a very fitted black pencil skirt that showed her curves beautifully and reached centimetres above her knee topped off with her black heels.

"You knew were gonna do this today." He muttered "You wore this just for me."

"I had court today." She shrugged, knowing full well she wouldn't usually wear this to court and did it just to tease him.

"Uh huh. I know." He nodded as his hands reached around her waist. His lips attached themselves to her neck as his hands grasped her ass. "So we gonna do this or what?" He whispered, his tongue moving to trace the curve of her ear.

She felt her body betray her and give in to him and she nodded while his hands began pulling at the zipper of her skirt.

/

"Is Benson back from court yet?" Cragen approached his team.

"She said she had something to do." Amanda told him "Said she shouldn't be long." She shrugged.

"Well get her here soon, we've got one of Julius Mann's former _employees_ coming in, told us she knew Amber." He announced making it known that this woman wasn't a normal employee but one from Julius's side-line business ventures. "I'll make a call to narcotics and let them know." He said.

"Amaro, you and Benson take this employee, see what information you can get from her. Until she arrives, try to trace the last calls on Amber's cell, see if there was anything unusual around the time of her death. Rollins, you and Fin head over to the M.E's, she says she's got something to show us, just make sure it helps us out."

Their case had turned a new leaf when the girl's cell phone had been discovered in the woodlands surrounding the river. Everyone was on high alert and treading lightly when they discovered that Amber was in dealings with one of the largest drug and prostitution rings in New York City.

"Cap, Liv isn't answering her cell." Amaro pointed out "Keeps going to voicemail." He held up his phone before placing it back in the receiver.

"Keep trying."

/

"Bri…" Olivia moaned, her head thrown back over the arm of the couch, one hand clinging to the back of the couch, the other gripping Brian's head as his tongue swirled around her hot, wet center. His grinned as he kept a firm grip on her shaking legs, keeping them splayed apart, wide open just for him. He hummed against her, the vibrations from his lips making her squeal as she shifted her hips harder against him, grinding against his mouth, desperate for her own release.

"Yes! Right there…" She tilted her head forward, watching as his tongue slipped into her opening, her mouth opened and a silent scream fell from her lips and her orgasm tore through her body. Her nails dug into his scalp and her body shook violently from the force or her climax.

"Fuck, fuck, _fuuuuuck me_." She muttered as Brian replaced his tongue with two fingers and kissed his way back up her fevered body.

"You have such a dirty mouth" Brian grinned as he kissed her mouth, letting her taste herself on him.

"Only with you." She mumbled back, arching her hips against his hand.

"Good to know."

The pair made out heavily for a few minutes, constantly clawing and pulling at each other, never seeming to be able to be close enough of feel enough of each other's skin. Olivia groaned and pulled back from their make out session as she heard her cell phone ring for what seemed to be the eighteenth time in ten minutes.

"Hello?!" She growled angrily, pissed that they had been interrupted.

"Liv? Its Nick, Cragen is wondering where you are, we've got some girl coming in who used to work with Amber at Mann's, he's wanting us to interview her, try to get as much as possible."

Olivia lost her concentration half way through as Brian attached his lips to her breast "Eh, When's she coming in?" She asked, trying not to give anything away.

"Should be soon, Cragen said any time within the next hour or so."

Olivia jerked the phone away from her mouth as she almost screamed as her lover began pushing his throbbing erection inside of her. Her arms grabbed him around his neck, her teeth sinking into his shoulder as he groaned against her hair.

"Liv? Olivia?! You okay?" Nick questioned.

Liv's mouth opened in a silent groan, her eyes clenched shut as she felt Brian's hips against hers, his cock pushed so far inside her she was sure she could feel him in her throat. Brian smirked as he leaned over on top of her, his lower stomach muscles pressed against her clit. She shuddered as he moved slowly against her, thrusting into her hard but slow while his skin gently rubbed against her swollen, very sensitive bundle of nerves.

Her free hand gripped his shoulder, her nails digging hard into his back as she dragged her hand south, pretty sure she was drawing blood when he thrust harder into her.

"Olivia? You there?" She faintly heard her partner calling her through the phone, her head fell back against the couch as she brought the phone to her ear.

"Yeah." She mumbled, trying to keep her words to a minimum as to not give anything away. "I'll be in soon."

She hung up the phone and threw it to the floor "You fucking bastard." She groaned, both hands now gripping him for dear life as he thrust his hips firmly into her.

"Faster." She mumbled.

He shook his head "Patience" He groaned through gritted teeth.

"I don't have any." She mumbled as she hooked one leg around his and knocked his balance off before pushing herself up and impaling on him once more when she pushed him onto his back.

She swayed her hips back and forth, moaning at full volume as she leaned forward, her clit rubbing hard against him once more. Brian reached up and clamped his hands to her hips, moving her faster on top of him. She reached for his hands, their eyes meeting as she intertwined her fingers with his and gripped his hands hard, pinning them against the back of the couch.

Both of them shouting and groaning each other's names, cursing each other and god when their orgasms hit them like a hurricane. Olivia's body shuddered hard and Brian wrapped his arms around her, pushing his hips into hers as he emptied himself inside her. He sat up, his seductive lover still in his lap, still wrapped around his body. He brushed her hair back from her face with his gentle fingers, his lips bruising hers with passionate kisses as her arms wrapped tight around his neck, her body still clenching from her vigorous orgasm.

"I can't quit you." She admitted, whispered on a breathy moan against his mouth, feeling tears sting behind her eyes.

/

"I have to go." She said quietly, pulling her blazer from the ground and hastily shoving it back on. She took a swig of the cool water he handed her and placed the glass on the kitchen counter behind him. They stood together, his hands on her hips, she stared straight at his chest unable to look him in the eyes.

They left the apartment together, Brian cautiously taking her hand in his as the entered the elevator, his fingers gently stroking hers.

"How's things with Elliot?" He asked, not really wanting to hear the answer. He had stopped trying to deny his feelings for this woman who had stormed into his life a little over two weeks ago and already changed it forever.

"We just had sex." She turned to look at him "You really want to ask that now?"

He shrugged "I figured you were mad at him for something, that's why you called me today."

She snatched her hand back from his, fire in her eyes. "Are you being serious?" She turned into him, the urge to smack him in the face was too great. "You think this was what? A pity fuck?"

"Liv, I didn't mean…"

"What did you mean Brian? Please tell me how that was supposed to sound." She asked him, sarcasm lacing every word.

"Elliot talks about you." He started "He said things were better between the two of you after you had a decent chat about everything, he told me about your date and how you guys were communicating better and all of that." He stood against the wall of the elevator and stuffed his hands in his pockets, his feet kicking the floor, Olivia couldn't tell if he was disappointed or ashamed "I didn't hear from you." He looked at her "I don't think at all last week. Maybe once or twice but I never saw you, I just thought that you guys were doing fine and we were just gonna be friends and not lovers and I'm completely fine with that Olivia, if that's what you want, what you need then that's amazing. Then you started with the dirty texts a couple of days ago and I just thought, maybe you guys had a fight or something. Why else would you want to talk to me?" He laughed, trying to not display all of his emotions at once.

Olivia felt the emotion in his voice "I'm sorry." She said quietly.

"For what? I didn't expect anything from this…"

"I don't wanna lead you on or anything" She started "I didn't want to continue this thing with us but I can't stop thinking about you." She confessed "You are in my head all the time. Even when I'm with Elliot…"

"Okay, I'm fine with you trusting me enough to tell me stuff but please don't tell me about yours and Elliot's sex life. That is the one thing I can't handle." He said with a chuckle.

"We don't have one…" She told him "Well, we did, I guess, but not recently, not since we…you know." She gestured between the two of them.

"What are we Liv?" He asked

"I don't know. Isn't it usually the girl that asks that question?" She chuckled quietly as he grinned at her. She crossed her arms over herself as she looked around the elevator, stopping when the doors finally opened to reveal they had hit the ground floor. They both stepped out in silence, passing a couple of people in the hallway.

"What do you want us to be?" She asked him as he held the door open for her.

"Whatever you wanna give me, Liv." He told her honestly. "I just know I wanna have you in my life, whether that be as a friend or a boyfriend, I guess…it's up to you."

"Please don't put this decision on me." She said quietly, her eyes tearing up as she gazed up at his taller frame. "I can't handle hurting you like that."

"I don't have much to offer, Liv." He started admitting as he walked her to her car "But I'll give you everything I've got if that's what you want, even if it's barely anything" He laughed. "You know I'm here for whatever, even if you just need someone to confide in, I can be that for you, I can that be someone you lean on when you feel like the world is falling apart. As long as you are happy, I don't honestly need anything else." He smiled.

"I didn't know you were such a romantic." She laughed as she opened her car door. "You've barely known me a month, I could be a complete asshole for all you know. Well, let's face it, I kind of am. I'm practically cheating on Elliot and stringing you along…god I'm such a bitch!" she confessed

"I'm not." He told her "That's just how I feel." He took a hold of her hand "You aren't a bitch. You didn't ask for this, just like I didn't, it just happened, we can stop any time."

She climbed into her car and gripped the inside handle. "I don't know what I want yet." She admitted "I can't stop with you. I can't keep doing this to Elliot but I can't stop seeing you. I want you in my life Brian."

"You just need to decide if you want me as a lover or a friend."

"What about both?" She tilted her head to him.

"I can do that." He grinned.

/

* * *

_**what do you think? continue or not?**_  
_**any suggestions?**_  
_**apart from the usual 'bensidy sucks' shit, I'm not getting into a shipping war with you, this is fiction.**_  
_**even though bensidy is so canon now i'm still screaming about it.**_

_**leave a comment and let me know what you thought.**_  
_**the more people let me know they like it the more likely i am to update it!**_

_**THANKS.**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**what? two updates in a week? i know. odd.**_  
_**i also updated 'stand back up' so technically that's three updates!**_  
_**i'm on fire. haha**_

_**let me know what you think, otherwise i won't update because i don't know if anyone likes it or not!**_

_**lyrics: treacherous - taylor swift**_

* * *

_I can't decide if it's a choice_  
_Getting swept away_  
_I hear the sound of my own voice_  
_Asking you to stay_  
_And all we are is skin and bone_  
_Trained to get along_  
_Forever going with the flow,_  
_But you're friction_

_._

"Why is she even here?"

Olivia glanced across the table to the two younger blondes who sat practically on each other's chairs, constantly whispering and mouthing off about her. It didn't bother her, not really. Olivia was way past the point of caring what other people thought about her, but the fact that they were Elliot's daughters made it hurt just a tiny bit.

She pretended not to hear them as she picked up her glass of water, chewing on the straw, trying to distract herself from the tedious night ahead. This night had been planned for almost a week now, Elliot had decided that she and the kids hadn't really spent any time together so they were all going to dinner, as a family. Olivia rolled her eyes when he said that and pulled the 'I'm your girlfriend, not their mother card' on him, which seemed to shut him up fast.

Small talk was made for the majority of the night, Dickie's soccer game, Maureen's latest high school complaints about boys and girls and anything she could badmouth really. Olivia was happy for Elliot to spend time with his kids, but she didn't feel like she was a part of it, she felt side-lined and she understood why, they were his children, they always came before her, she would be the same if they were her kids but he never seemed to try and stop the unkind remarks that seemed to constantly flow from the teenagers mouths.

"I'm glad you're here" She turned at the small, quiet voice of the younger blonde next to her.

"Thanks Lizzie." She smiled back. Lizzie was never one to cause a scene, always wanting to please people, completely afraid of failure and disappointment.

"Just ignore them. They hate everyone that's better than them" She gave Olivia a cheeky smile before nodding towards her two other sisters who were facing each other, whispering condescending words about everyone else in the restaurant.

It was gonna be a long night.

.

Olivia sat in the car for a second, trying to force herself to get out and join the rest of the Stabler clan in Elliot's new place. She took a deep breath in and closed her eyes for a moment as the kids all clambered their way out of the new SUV that Elliot had recently purchased.

"You coming in?" Elliot asked, sticking his head back in the driver's side, throwing the house keys to Kathleen, he slipped back inside the car next to Olivia.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Your kids hate me, Elliot." She started telling him as she faced forward, staring out the windshield. "I don't think Lizzie does, she's always been nice to me, Dickie as well but seriously, Maureen and Kathleen despise me."

"Liv, that's not…"

"It _is_ true Elliot." She turned to face him "I know they are your kids and you think they can do no wrong and no, I'm not trying to turn you against them or whatever you think I might be planning. I'm just stating a fact."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Elliot turned to her "So what do you wanna do?"

Olivia just shook her head slightly "I think I should just go home tonight, we can talk tomorrow?" She offered.

"If that's what you want." He nodded and stepped out of the car.

She pulled her own car keys from her purse, climbing out of the car and walked a few steps ahead to her own vehicle.

"Hey!" Elliot shouted after her, he came closer and pulled her in for a hug. Wrapped tight in his arms, she breathed in his scent. Her heart clenched as she thought of how wrong it felt to be here, but somehow she couldn't leave. Elliot was the longest relationship she had ever had, even before the intimate side kicked in, she felt odd at the thought of him not being in her life anymore. Yet they couldn't keep going on like this. She felt like a piece of used furniture that no-one wanted to throw away.

"I love you." He kissed her head and tipped her chin up, bringing her lips closer to his.

"Don't say that." She whispered, her head leaning against his chest.

"But I do, Liv." He wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "Drive safe"

Olivia climbed into her car wondering if there was anything Elliot wouldn't say just to keep her with him.

.

Olivia pulled her car over at the side of the road about a mile away from Elliot's street. She cut the engine and sat in silence, her mind running in circles as she laughed quietly at the state of her life. She had once contemplated spending her whole life with Elliot, back when he was married. She had genuine loving feelings towards him, could picture them growing old together. Now it was different, now she couldn't see a future, not really, especially with his kids hating her. Not just that, she had met Brian. This wonderful, handsome, funny guy who had just stormed into her life unannounced, made crazy passionate love to her and then somehow stayed. He was always in the back of her mind, how could she get him out? Forget about him and focus on a life with Elliot.

Brian was different, he was new and exciting and unlike any guy she had ever met. He was the polar opposite of Elliot, maybe that was the attraction, he was different. He was an escape from everyday life.

He was her perfect little secret.

.

Brian shot up from his passed out state to the sound of a continuing quiet knock on the front door. He glanced around the dark bedroom, his tired eyes only just focusing on the numbers of the digital clock beside him that read that it was just after two in the morning, he quickly yanked back the covers and pulled on a pair of sweatpants over his boxers, shivering as he walked through the living area, glancing out the window to the heavy rain that battered against the building.

He opened the door and ran his hand over his eyes until they finally focused on the solemn stance of Olivia Benson, who was huddled up in her small jacket, raindrops falling from the ends of her hair as she pressed her lips together, trying not to give away just how cold she really was.

He stepped back and held out his hand, pulling her inside. Brian reached for her jacket and took it from her shoulders, hanging it over the coat rail.

"You know where the shower is" He said quietly, his hand on her back "I'll lay out some clothes on the bed for you." He gave her a small smile before pulling her into the bedroom and guiding her towards the ensuite bathroom.

"Thank you" She mumbled.

He pulled a t-shirt and sweatpants from the bottom drawer and laid them on the bed for her and made his way into the kitchen. He pottered about for a few minutes wondering what could have happened that brought her here, another fight with Elliot was probably the best answer, that's when she only really seemed to contact him nowadays, or when she was really angry with something at work. When she needed a release, he was number one on her list.

He fixed her a mug of tea and turned just to see her stepping cautiously out of his bedroom, her slender body practically drowning in his NYPD t-shirt and grey sweatpants. Her face was make-up free, completely natural and her hair was beginning to curl slightly at the ends that fell just below her shoulders from the way she had towel dried it. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He couldn't believe the strength of his feelings after only a matter of two months. She stood in the middle of his living room as he approached her and handed her the tea.

"Thank you" She whispered as she took a sip of the warm liquid, welcoming the heat into her still slightly chilled body.

"Can I ask why you were wandering in the rain? And ended up here at two in the morning?" He smiled as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"I didn't wanna be alone tonight" She told him, her eyes cast down focusing on their bare feet on the hardwood floor.

Brian struggled to decide if he was happy or sad at her honest statement. His heart thudded slowly and painfully in his chest, ready to give up on the thought of ever being more than a quick fuck to her. He was always going to be the second choice, no matter what. He just wanted to hold her and promise her everything was going to be alright, she seemed to fighting a war against the world with nobody in her corner, nobody fighting her case, fighting for her.

_I'll fight for you_. He thought to himself.

"You should sleep." He said quietly wanting nothing more than to wrap his body around hers and fall with her under the covers into a perfect state of bliss. "You take the bed, I'll sleep out here." He said as he turned towards the couch.

She shook her head, even though he couldn't see "Stay with me." She said, her voice barely a whisper.

His heart tightened and fell to his stomach "I don't think that's the best idea." He replied quietly.

"Please." She pleaded.

He couldn't take the sadness in her eyes, the mess of emotions that clouded her body and her mind were all on show for him and he felt almost evil for not giving her what she wanted. He nodded and followed her into the bedroom. She just stood in front of his already slept in bed in the middle of the dark room, she had been here a few times before but not like this.

"C'mon" He guided her to the bed and pulled back the mess of covers before sliding in beside her "You okay?"

She nodded and turned to face the window, away from him.

"I don't know what to do any more." She whispered in the dead of night "I can't focus on anything, my mind is like the aftermath of a hurricane, something is always being thrown at me and I can't seem to stop it."

"Just sleep." He told her "All of this can wait until tomorrow."

He leaned over and wrapped his arm around her waist, positive that she was about to pull away but she didn't, she gripped his arm, pulling it tighter around her, her fingers lacing through his as she buried herself deeper under the covers and into his body. Brian kissed the back of her head and relaxed in the embrace.

"See you in the morning." She whispered.

"Yeah you will." He chuckled back at her.

.

This was the last thing everyone had expected to happen on this glorious sunny afternoon. The SVU squad along with a few Narcotics detectives and a string of cops and negotiation crews were hauled up outside an abandoned warehouse near the edge of the river. Olivia was one of the last to arrive along with Amaro who had been out canvassing witnesses and anyone who knew Amber Strachan.

Olivia raced over to Cragen who was pacing alongside a few other law enforcement officers "What the hell happened!?" She yelled, demanding answers.

"Carter Messi, one of Julius's wing men got wind of our investigation. Turns out he and Amber were an item, he got mad and I have no idea what else. He's got three hostages in there with him."

"He got mad when we tried to insinuate he had something to do with her death." Amanda strolled up to the pair. "We went to interview Julius, who wouldn't talk to us. Left us to deal with this cronies and then this happened."

"Do we know who they are? The hostages?" Olivia glanced around at the number of officers surrounding the building, she spotted Elliot, far off in the distance, his bulletproof vest strapped securely to his chest.

"Carter has the gun. He's got a random woman, she was in a cab that he held up. He threw a cop in beside her and jumped in the front seat with the driver. Now they're here."

"Who's the cop?" Amaro asked

"Brian Cassidy."

Olivia's blood ran cold, she felt her legs give way and grabbed onto the front of the car to stop herself from making a scene.

"Cassidy?" She asked quietly

"Yeah, he was with Fin and Rollins when they went to interview Mann. Messi grabbed his gun at an opportune moment and held to his head. There was nothing he could've done."

Olivia rushed over to the water's edge and emptied the contents of her stomach into the water. Her heart fell to her feet as she continued to throw up what little she had in her stomach. Brian Cassidy was being held at gunpoint. She stood up and glanced around making sure no one was paying attention before sorting herself out and heading back to the group.

"We need to do something." She announced "We can't just stand here and wait for something to happen."

"We can't get in. There are no other doors or windows, the only other entrance is blocked. We can't hear or see anything, Olivia."

"This is fucking useless." She started pacing. Her mind flooding back to that morning, waking up in his arms, his soft, sleeping breathing against her hair, his arms tight around her waist, protecting her from the outside world. She felt so content in that moment, like nothing or no-one could touch them. Just then the unmistakable sound of gunshots fired through the air.

"SHOTS FIRED! SHOTS FIRED!"

.

* * *

**_continue or not?_**  
**_let me know!_**

**_THANKS X_**


	6. Chapter 6

_**i know i only updated this like two days ago but i had this written and i couldn't leave it any longer.**_

_**thank you so much for still reading this story, you guys are seriously the best.**_  
_**although, for those of you who haven't read through my reviews, you've missed some cracking hate.**_

_**this one came in from 'hihi' (who i can't reply to, funnily enough) on the last chapter and i thought i'd share it with you because oh my god it is fabulous.**_

_**and i quote...**_

"Olivia would never cheat on Elliot. Maureen and Kathleen would never be that mean to Olivia. Brian is an ass and I hope when Elliot does find out he beats Brian up. You make Olivia sound like a slut, which could only mean that you are a slut.   
Don't even continue this story its not worth it."

_**so, just a few points on that one...**_

_**1. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!**_  
_**2. what?**_  
_**3. PAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!**_  
_**4. you realise this is fiction right? this isn't real life!**_  
_**5. Elliot will do whatever the fuck i make him do because guess what? i own this damn fic.**_  
_**6. are you really that insecure about your ship that you have to come onto here and bad mouth my story?**_  
_**7. not once did I use the word 'Slut' to describe Olivia, you did that all on your own.**_  
_**8. did you really just call me a slut?**_  
_**9. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**_  
_**10. I'm gonna keep writing this story forever just because you hate it.**_

_**to everyone else who actually enjoys this story, thank you for reading, I'm so glad you all enjoy it.**_  
_**let me know what you think of the new chapter!**_

_**lyrics: stay - sugarland**_

* * *

_And I'll be begging you, baby_  
_Beg you not to leave_  
_But I'll be left here waiting_  
_With my Heart on my sleeve_  
_Oh, for the next time we'll be here_  
_Seems like a million years_  
_And I think I'm dying_

_._

They say when you are about to die, your whole life flashes before your eyes. Olivia Benson wasn't near death, but in her heart, she felt she was. Her entire, short, three month life with Brian Cassidy still flashed in front of her eyes. Random stolen moments, kisses and touches, the way he would push her hair behind her ear or take her up against the door of his apartment. Their heart-to-heart conversations, the way he would look at her when they were surrounded by colleagues, a slight smirk on his face, his eyes bright, loving that they were the only two people in the world who knew what was going on. She couldn't stop herself from thinking about that morning, waking up with him and how she technically should have been the one in that warehouse and not him.

.

_Olivia groaned at the sunlight streaming through the crack in the blackout curtains, her eyes widened as she realised she wasn't in her own apartment, in her own bed, but in that of her lovers. She smiled as she realised she was still tucked up in his arms, the couple having barely moved in the last four hours. She gripped his hand that was still laced in hers, her fingers tracing the back of his hand and across his knuckles. _

_She turned around to face him carefully, not wanting to wake him from his peaceful slumber. Still wrapped in his arms, no space between their bodies, she gently curled her leg in between his, her hand coming up to trace the line of his face. Never had she been in this intimate a position with a man, her soul stripped to the bare minimum, no make-up, red, cried out eyes, the need for him to just hold her last night was undeniable. She felt less intimate during sex with her previous partners than she did in this very moment, in bed with her lover, wearing his clothes after a night of more tears than words. Her heart pounded in her chest as she traced the line of his lips with the soft pad of her finger, the same lips that had kissed her hard, that had made love to her skin, those lips that had covered her mouth and swallowed the intense screams of her never-ending orgasms caused only by him, that spoke honest words and told her everything would be okay. _

"_I can hear you thinking…" He mumbled, burying his face into the pillow "It's too early for thinking."_

_She laughed out loud, "I'll try and think quieter" she said, her arms coming to wrap around his neck, pulling his face closer to hers and gently pressing her lips to his._

"_Good morning." She whispered._

_Finally opening his eyes, he squinted as he adjusted to the light in the room. He smiled at her, his lips teasing hers again, gently kissing down her neck and back up to place a quick kiss on the tip of her nose._

"_Morning beautiful"_

_._

Olivia leaned hard against the sedan, trying to stop herself from falling to the floor, her heart in her throat and her stomach contracting as she took deep, shaky breaths trying to curb the urge to throw up again. She watched as two of the hostages ran from the building, fleeing into the open air, surrounded by law enforcement who were by their sides in an instant telling them everything was okay, checking them for injuries and asking for statements. She watched as several officers, clad in their bullet proof vests, guns and torches in hand, all paraded into the dark warehouse, unaware of what they would find.

.

"_Can we lie here all day?" She asked as ran her fingers up and down his muscular waist, her nails gently scraping his skin as she burrowed further under the warmth of the covers._

"_Hmm, I have no objection to that" He kissed her again._

"_I have a day of interviewing witnesses ahead of me." She groaned, pushing her head deeper into the pillow against him "Please don't make me go." _

_Brian laughed and kissed the top her head "I have to come in and see your captain anyway, we could sneak away and make out in the cribs if you want?"_

_She laughed and nodded while pressing her lips to his "I'd like that a lot." She pulled back for air "Why do you need to see Cragen?"_

"_My cap just wants me to fill him in on the details from our side, see where we're all up to, that kinda stuff. We think we've found a warehouse that Mann and his gang stash their goods."_

"_You could do that over the phone you know?" She raised her eyebrow at him_

"_Yeah I could, but then I wouldn't see you."_

"_Oh you romantic! Who knew?" She laughed._

"_Hey now. Don't go telling anyone! I have a reputation to uphold! I'm a bit of a badass you know?" He joked_

"_Really? Me too!" She grinned_

_After spending another few minutes in bed the pair got up and ready for the day ahead, Olivia stopped by her own apartment to change and when she arrived at the squad room, she found Brian sitting in her chair._

"_Detective Benson, Good to see you" He nodded, paying close attention to her as she walked into the room_

"_You too…you're in my chair." She pointed, glaring at Fin as he sniggered in the corner._

"_I do apologise, I was just waiting for your Captain." He pointed towards Cragen's office "He's on the phone."_

_Olivia nodded and mouthed 'Okay' and went to fix herself a cup of coffee, swaying her hips that little bit extra just to tease him. She laughed when Amanda called to her _

"_I'd be careful with that" She pointed towards the coffee pot "Munch made it this morning, it's practically toxic"_

"_You get used to it after a few years" Olivia laughed and raised her cup towards the younger blonde._

"_Ah, Benson, there you are" Cragen came from his office and walked towards her "I was gonna send you with Fin and Rollins but Cassidy offered to go instead, said he wanted to see how we do things here at SVU" He smiled, looking back at Brian who was deep in conversation with Fin._

"_I'm sending you and Amaro out to check out Amber's old place of work. She was a waitress at Bloom's, had a bit of a reputation from what we can gather. Go see what you can find on her. See if anyone will give up the dirt." He said as he walked back towards his office, shaking Brian's hand on the way._

"_Thank you." She whispered in Brian's ear as she walked past him and sat in her chair which he had now vacated._

"_It's okay." He smiled "You had a rough night." He whispered, making sure the others couldn't hear._

"_You okay?" He asked wanting to take a hold of her hand but held back._

_She nodded her head and sighed "I need to talk to Elliot, I'm gonna see him later."_

_Brian couldn't tell whether he should feel hopeful or not and didn't dare ask. He watch as she booted up her computer and began typing away, all the while holding a conversation._

"_C'mon Cassidy, we'll show you how interrogation is really done." Fin joked as he slapped Brian on the back._

_They all laughed as Brian got to his feet he touched Olivia's shoulder "Take it easy today." He smiled_

"_You too." She replied "Don't let Fin work you too hard." _

_They hadn't even left the building when Olivia felt her cell phone vibrate in her pocket_

_Let me know how you get on later, have a good day._

_X_

_She grinned and replied 'I will, you too. X' unaware that their day was about to change drastically and the aftermath was going to be anything but easy._

_._

She resisted the urge to scream and cry and jump into his arms when she saw none other than Detective Brian Cassidy step out into the daylight, his clothes covered in blood splatter, from what she could see he had blood running down his face, his shirt was torn slightly, but he was alive.

"Cassidy shot him." Cragen stepped towards Olivia "He shot Messi, from what I can gather, the cab driver distracted Messi, Brian managed to trip him and grab the gun, got a bit beat up in the process but he's gonna be fine."

Olivia sighed with relief, her hands still shaking as she watched Cassidy gingerly walk towards the ambulance, warding off the young paramedic who was trying to assist him.

"Is he alive?" She asked, her voice slightly gravelled as she tried to fight the emotion in her voice.

"Barely, they're gonna take him to Mercy."

Olivia just nodded, her eyes never leaving Brian. She heard Cragen walk away and give orders to some rookies. She glanced over and saw Elliot heading straight for her.

"You okay?" He asked, his arm coming up around her shoulder, she resisted the urge to shrug him away, not feeling comfortable with PDA in front of their colleagues, especially in this situation.

"Yeah." She said quietly, she coughed a little, clearing her throat. "He's gonna be okay?" She pointed over to Cassidy who was getting inspected by a medic.

"Yeah, might need stitches in his head, Messi hit him with the gun, got him pretty hard, he's bashed his hip a bit as well but he'll be fine. Cap's gonna sign him off for a week or two."

"Okay."

She turned from facing Elliot just in time to make eye contact with Brian, he looked defeated. His eyes shifted from her to the ground and she felt her heart hit the floor.

"I'm gonna go talk to him." She said to Elliot and took off in the direction of the ambulance.

.

"Hi" She said quietly, Brian looked up and squinted slightly, his eyes blurring from moving his head to quick.

"Hey"

"I know we can't talk here" She started, trying to keep her emotions in check "I eh…I have an appointment later…can I come and see you after?"

He just nodded, the silence between them was deafening. He didn't want to say anything in case anyone overheard, not wanting to risk their affair coming out into the open in this way. It wasn't fair to her, or to Elliot.

"I thought you were dead…I heard those shots, I just thought…"

"That would've made your decision a lot easier then." He joked, his eyes never leaving the piece of gum that was trampled into ground in front of his feet.

Olivia felt her heart somewhere around her feet, tears brimming in her eyes, her mouth opening in shock and no words coming out. Her hands started shaking as she closed her eyes and shook her head.

"I can't believe you just said that." She said, her voice barely a whisper in the wind.

He just shrugged before standing on shaky legs "I have to go get checked out at the hospital or my captains gonna have my ass."

She just nodded as he walked away from her, she ran a hand through her hair and covered her mouth, trying not to cry. She shouldn't even feel like this, they were nothing more than an affair. Or so she kept telling herself. She knew it wasn't true, she knew she was falling hard and fast but she didn't know what to do.

.

Brian lay on the sofa, the pounding in his head getting louder and louder, the painkillers he received from the hospital were doing nothing to ease the tension. His arm thrown over his eyes, he lay in silence and waited. Olivia had called him twenty minutes ago to tell him she was on her way over. He had no idea what to think, everything was a mess. They had spent the night together, no sex and it had been one of the best nights of his life, curled up beside her, holding her until she fell asleep. There was no denying that Brian Cassidy was falling head over heels for Olivia Benson, he just didn't completely know it.

_You've never been in love you idiot. You have no idea what it feels like._ He thought to himself. He jumped faintly when he heard the quiet knock on the front door. He stood carefully, finding his footing before walking to let her in.

She stood on the other side of the door, shaking with nerves. She took a deep breath in just as he opened the door. Olivia smiled and mouthed a 'Hi' as he stood back to let her in, leaving her to close the door as he made his way through to the living room.

They stood apart, Olivia's hands clasped at her mouth as if in prayer, her eyes never leaving him. He glanced at her and then at the ground, unsure of what was about to happen.

"Can…" She started, her voice almost silent "I just…" She took a step towards him and stopped when he looked up at her, his eyes clouded over. Her hands still at her mouth she stood next to him and softly ran her finger over his face. The tears in her eyes made quick tracks down her cheeks as she batted them away.

He stunned her when he roughly grabbed her hands and pulled her into his arms, one arm latching around her waist, the other at the back of her neck, running into the ends of her hair, gripping it in his fists.

She sobbed against his neck as her body crashed into his, all the emotion of the last months flowing from her. He whispered in her ear, told her everything was okay, she was fine and not to worry about a thing. Her hands gripped at the back of his neck, her nails digging in slightly, afraid to let go.

"You could've died." She mumbled against his grey t-shirt, the shoulder now marked with her tears.

"I know." He muttered back, his hand soothingly rubbing her back.

She pulled back a little and slapped his chest, hard enough to make a sound, not hard enough to really do any damage.

"Ow! What the fuck was that for?" He asked, his hand covering her slap mark.

"For what you said before. That was the fucking stupidest thing you could have ever said." She said as she removed her jacket, throwing on the back of the chair.

"What…I…"

"My decision would've been much easier?" She repeated his earlier statement. "You're a bastard." She told him as she sat heavily on the middle of his leather sofa, her elbows resting on her knees, her hands clasped over her face.

"Look…" He started "This is killing you. I can see it. This going back and forth, pretending to be happy when you clearly aren't, it's tearing you apart. You pretend to be happy with Elliot, for whose sake, I have no idea. You're fucking around with me, or doing whatever it is that we're doing. You've got this decision you have to make and you clearly don't wanna make it, Liv." He stopped, taking a seat in front of her on the coffee table, his hands taking a hold of hers.

"How do you feel?" She whispered "About me? This? Us?"

"It's not about what I feel, babe. This is your decision, I can't make it for you."

"I don't wanna hurt you." She gripped his hand, lacing their fingers. Her heart thudded harder when their fingers laced through each other's, they always did, they were a perfect fit.

"You won't. I've told you before, no hard feelings. I just want you to be happy." He kissed her fingers.

"What if I told you I was staying with Elliot?" She whispered, looking at the floor.

"I'd ask you why. I'd tell you that you and I both know he doesn't make you happy because if he did, you never would've been with me. But if that is your final decision then I support you one hundred percent. I'll be there for you whatever the circumstance, if you need to rant to anyone or you need a shoulder to cry on, I'll be there and when you marry him, I expect an invite. You'd make a stunning bride." He grinned, he could feel his throat turn to sand paper when he mentioned the idea of her and Elliot marrying.

Olivia took a deep breath in and cursed the new tears that made their presence known by slipping down the corner of her face. "Bri…"

"I'll do anything to make you happy, Liv. You deserve happiness, you are the greatest person I have ever known." He smiled "You are gorgeous and funny, strong and honest, and my god you are hot as hell." He murmured at the end causing her to laugh out loud. "If you being happy means me letting you walk out of here, then I'll do it. You've been through far too much in your life to spend the rest of it being miserable with me."

Olivia gazed into his eyes seeing nothing but honesty, she leaned forward, pulling their joined hands into her lap and pressed her mouth against his, feeling his lips against hers in a perfect kiss.

"I'm gonna go." She whispered.

His heart fell thirty feet as he nodded. This was it. This was the end. She squeezed his hands in hers before standing and grabbing her jacket, she shrugged it on and he walked her to the door. She turned quickly and stepped into his arms, her hands coming to either side of his face, careful of the bandage covering his stitches on the right side.

She pressed her lips against his again. "I have to talk to Elliot. Now."

* * *

_**continue or not?**_  
_**let me know!**_  
_**THANKS!**_  
_**X**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**big chapter. **_  
_**and don't hate, have faith.**_  
_**I HAVE A PLAN!**_

_**thank you so so so much for the support you guys have given me as far as this story (and my other one) is concerned.**_  
_**you guys truly are the greatest!**_

_**please keep reading and commenting, how do you I know if you like it if you don't tell me?**_

_**lyrics: this ain't goodbye - train**_

* * *

_This ain't goodbye  
This is just where love goes  
When words aren't warm enough to keep away the cold  
This ain't goodbye  
It's not where our story ends  
But I know you can't be mine, not the way you've always been_

_._

"Is he home?" Brian asked as Olivia was about to leave

"He…oh, no, maybe not…" She started as she pulled her cell phone from her pocket "After what happened today he told me he's got a lot of paperwork to do." She smiled gesturing to him and his injuries.

"Oh, shame. I'm missing all the paperwork." Brian chuckled as he sat back down on the sofa. He could hear Olivia on the phone, her tone sweet as could be, his heart thudded hard in his chest, he could feel it virtually bruising his ribs.

"He's gonna be another hour, I'm gonna meet him at his place, I told him we needed to talk." She said as she shrugged her jacket off again and placed it on the back of the armchair. She made her way over to him and sat on his left side, her soft gaze focused on his face as she held his hand in her lap and they sat together in the silence.

"I'd miss you, you know" He said quietly "If you picked him…I'd miss you." His head bowed, staring at their linked fingers, his thumb gently brushing hers like it had done so many times before, maybe this would be the last time.

"And the all the hot sex?" She joked.

"I suppose I'd miss that too." He smiled at her, if she wanted to joke about it then he would as well. Maybe he was the joke of her life, Elliot was the serious, practical one, the kind of guy you would settle with build a life and a family. And he was nothing more than her bit of fun on the side, the one you turn to when you get a bit bored, or at least that's how he felt.

"What would you do?" She asked hesitantly, breaking another bout of silence. "If you were me?"

"Well, I'm not really that attracted to Elliot so…not really sure I'd go for him in the first place. You however…" He joked, playfully squeezing her thigh as she laughed.

"You know what I mean…" She turned serious "If you were with another girl, someone you thought you were in love with, and me. What would you do? How would you choose?"

Brian thought for a moment, his mind spinning in circles, not wanting to pressure her into any decision.

"It's your decision here, Liv. I can't make…"

"I know that." She stated "I'm just saying, how would you choose? Be honest with me."

"I'd pick the second one." He told her, staring at the wall in front of them. "If you really loved him, you never would've stayed with me…" He mumbled. "If you really love your first choice, you wouldn't have found the second…that's just what I think." He never made eye contact, he sat stoic, staring straight ahead.

"Look at me." She whispered gripping his hand tight, sliding herself closer to him. "Look at me."

He turned and stared deep into her eyes, Olivia felt herself go numb and she watched the swirls of brown in his eyes darken. She leaned in, her mouth open slightly and pressed her lips to his and pulled back teasingly, doing it a few more times before Brian latched his arm around her back and awkwardly pulled her into his lap. She braced her hands on the back of the couch behind his head, staring into his eyes again, she kissed him softly, with eyes wide open.

"You okay?" She asked quietly, kissing him again.

He nodded his head and reached for the side of her shirt.

"Your head okay?" She asked again hesitantly.

"What head?" He joked, slowly pulling her shirt from her body.

She leaned back, helping him pull the shirt over her head leaving her in her black bra and work slacks. She ran her hands down his front and reached his sweats, gently grabbing his already hard erection.

"Easy there…or this'll be over before it starts." He chuckled as she started massaging him through his pants.

They made out hard, all tongues and teeth as they roughly tugged at each other's clothes, throwing them all over the living room and before they knew it they were naked and sprawled out on the leather couch. Olivia lay willingly on her back, grinning as Brian crawled on top of her, spreading her legs over the back and side of the couch before placing himself between them, his fingers teasing her entrance.

She grabbed his neck and pulled him down so they were face to face. She teased his mouth with hers before throwing her head back with a loud sigh as she felt him press the head of his hard member into her opening.

"Oh god…" She groaned, her nails digging hard into his shoulders.

Brian held his breath, watching her every movement. Her head thrown back, her hair splayed out like a dark river, the way her body tensed, her mouth opening and her breath coming in short hard pants. He watched her, taking it all in as if this was going to be the last time. His heart sank as he thought about how she may never be like this with him ever again.

"No." He pulled back, hearing her wince a little and groan as he pulled himself out of her. "Bedroom." He grabbed her waist and lifted her into his arms.

"Bri!" She giggled and wrapped her legs around his hips.

If this was the last time, they were doing it right.

.

"I should go." She whispered in the darkness, arms splayed to the sides, not wanting to move, not wanting to break their connection.

"Probably." Brian replied, his breath hard against her neck after one of the most intense orgasms of his life, his weight resting on top of her. He groaned as she gently pushed her hips upwards, he heard her chuckle and he knew in an instant that she was planning to tease him a little longer, her ass rubbing against him.

"Don't do that…bad girl." He whispered, grinning against her ear, his teeth gently nipping her neck and shoulders, he moved south as he pulled away from her.

She lay flat on her stomach, feeling his lips kiss all down the middle of her spine. Safe to say she was well and truly fucked. Three times they made love, he knew her body so well that he could bring her to the brink and back just by looking at her.

She interrupted his kisses by turning herself over, watching his smile turn into a cheshire cat grin as his mouth landed right at the top of her mound.

"Don't you dare" She said as she ran her hand down and through his hair. "I'm already numb and blind." She grinned. He made his way back up her body, worshipping it with kisses all the way to her mouth.

"I'm gonna go shower real quick." She said, kissing him on the mouth once more.

Fifteen minutes later, Olivia made her way out of her lover's bedroom, fully dressed and ready to leave for what was set to be one of the most difficult conversations of her personal life.

Brian stood in his kitchen, glass of water in his hand, his back facing her. He heard her quietly step towards the door.

"I'm gonna go…I…" She didn't really know how to end this, none of them knew what was going to happen next.

"Okay." He said awkwardly, the tension in the room almost unbearable. "See you, I guess." He shrugged and smiled.

"Yeah, see you." Olivia felt the tears prick at her eyes, she could tell he was hurting and not just from his injuries. She took another step towards the door before rushing back into the kitchen, pressing him against the counter and kissing him hard on the mouth.

She pulled away and rested her forehead on his. "See you."

.

"Hey babe, how are you?" Elliot greeted Olivia at the door, kissing her cheek as he took her jacket and hung it on the rail.

"Not bad. How was work?" She asked, taking a look around the room.

"The usual, paperwork." He groaned. "So…you wanted to talk about something?"

"Yeah, I did." She sighed. "I erm…"

"You want anything, tea? Coffee?" He interrupted.

"No thanks." She shook her head, she needed to get this over and done with. "Can we just…" She motioned to the chairs in the living room.

"Sure."

"I think we should break up." She said, the words rushing from her mouth.

Elliot's head straightened, he looked over at her nervous disposition. The words of a break up like acid to his ears. "You…what?" He shook his head slightly.

"We're not…I'm not happy." She sighed. "You know that. I can tell you know that." She said quietly "I just, maybe we should just quit now while we're ahead."

"I eh, I thought we were doing better, I know we had that rough patch but…"

"It never really ended though did it El?"

"Is this about the kids? I can talk…"

"Elliot, it's not about your kids. It was never about them, I just, I don't know what we're doing anymore. I don't think I ever have."

"I don't understand, Liv." He ran his hands over his face and stood up, pacing the room a little, trying to vent some of the anger he felt. "I just don't…I thought you were in love with me."

"I was, well I thought I was…at one point."

"I thought we felt the same about each other, after all those years as partners…"

"Elliot, we did. We felt the same way about each other, just at different times I guess."

Silence fell like a heavy blanket over the room. Elliot paced back and forth slowly, his mind wandering back, their relationship flashing before his eyes. "Is there someone else?" He asked hesitantly, afraid of the answer.

"Have you found someone else?" He pressured "Is that why you want to break up with me?"

Olivia's felt her heart beating so hard she was afraid he could see it in her throat, she had thought for so long about how and if she should even mention Brian. He wasn't just a random guy to Elliot, they were partners. They worked together every day.

"No." She replied, her voice quiet, she hoped to god that he wouldn't hear her voice shake.

He watched her closely "Don't lie to me, Olivia. I'm not stupid, I've known you long enough to know when you're lying and you're lying to me now."

"I'm not, Elliot."

"How well do you know him?" He asked, his voice hard and demanding. "Do _I_ know him?" He questioned, his eyes widening.

"No." She lied, hoping her voice sounded just as definite as his.

"How well do you know him?" He asked

"Elliot, I don't…"

"Please just be honest with me." He requested, he stood against the wall with his hands in his pockets, he should have seen this coming. He thought back to how dejected she had been over the last few weeks, never imagining she would be off fucking some random guy. "If you are definitely ending this, please, at least give me a decent reason." She sat in silence, unable to think of a reason without mentioning it was Brian.

"Is he a good fuck? Or do you love him? I bet he doesn't know you like I do." Elliot started. "How well do you know him?" He pestered "How do you know that once your relationship is out in the open and isn't some dirty little secret anymore that it isn't going to fold like a deck of cards?"

"Elliot…"

"I know everything about you Liv, how you take your coffee, how you love the rain, everything with your past, how SVU is the only job you could ever see yourself in, your desire for children, marriage, a family…I can give you that Liv, you know I can." He walked towards her, kneeling in front of her and taking her hands. "Can he give you that? Does he know the little things that make you mad and angry and happy or scared? Because I do. And I love you."

Olivia couldn't stop the tears forming behind her eyes, she had planned to come here, break it off, quick and painless, then run back to Brian and hide from the rest of the world, but Elliot was right, he knew nothing about her, the darkness of her past, her dreams for the future, he knew none of that and she knew nothing about him, did he want kids? A family? What about his own family? Her mind raced so fast she felt dizzy, nausea taking over as she fought with her brain. She knew Elliot would put up a bit of a fight but she never expected this.

"Take a breather, Liv." Elliot held her hands tight "Go home, sleep on it and we can talk more about this later, okay? Just give yourself some time to truly think this through." He kissed her hands, she noticed how it didn't feel anything as powerful as it did when Brian did it. "If you still want to break up then okay, we can. But I just think you're rushing this."

"I'm not." She stated boldly "I've thought about this. It's all I've thought about, for weeks, months even. I'm not happy. I just want to be happy." She said, her voice fading at the end.

"I know that. I want you to be happy, I can make you happy, just please…" He pleaded "Think about this."

.

Olivia walked up the stairs to Brian's building, she felt dizzy from just bouncing back and forth between the two men in her life. She felt like a horrible person, Elliot was the one person who had been in her life for as longest time, out of everyone she had ever known. It just seemed natural to side with him, be with him for life, and build a home and a family. Brian on the other hand was exciting. He was new and unexpected, she wanted to venture into the unknown with him and yet the thought of that terrified her to her very soul.

Before she knew it she was back outside Brian's door, raising her hand to knock, trying to find the courage in her voice to vent her opinions, what Elliot had said, try and make him understand how hard her decision was, how she wanted him but was terrified of the outcome, what if it didn't work out?

"Hey." He answered the door, a stunned expression on his face.

"Hi." She mumbled back, looking from side to side before stepping inside as he stepped back to let her in.

"So…you breaking up with me?" He asked, trying to joke, trying to ignore the voice in his head that was screaming at him to tell her not to leave him, to stay here with him forever, tell her that he could make her happy and would spend the rest of his life trying.

"I don't know." She walked over to his window and gazed out over the city.

"You…what?" He asked, trying not to sound pissed.

"I spoke to Elliot, he fought the break up, obviously." She explained, still not looking at him "He made a few good points though."

"Yeah, like what?" He asked, standing at the opposite side of the room, leaning against the breakfast counter and sat in the middle of his kitchen and separated it and the living room.

"I know nothing about you." She said quietly, watching the tiny figures walking along the cold streets below. "You know nothing about me."

Brian stood in silence, waiting for her to continue, waiting for her excuses. "So what? You came back here to play twenty questions with me in hopes that it would help your decision making and you could figure out your life?" He replied sarcasm flowing like bile from the pit of his stomach.

She turned to face him "That's not fair." She said, her voice quiet, filled with emotion.

"Really? You wanna talk about not fair?"

"Brian, please don't do this."

"Whatever."

He stormed from the room into his bedroom and grabbed a hoodie, warding off the chill of his apartment. He walked back through to the kitchen, aware of Olivia's hesitant stare on his back. He shook a couple of painkillers from the small orange tube and swallowed them down with a swig of water, his head all of a sudden pounding.

"I don't want to risk my life with Elliot if you and I aren't going to make it. I'm too old for this messing around any more." She stated boldly. "I've known Elliot for almost ten years."

"What about him constantly wanting to be with you? Never giving you space? Being on your case the whole time? You think that's going to change if you decided to stay with him?"

"I…"

"You are such a hypocrite." Brian laughed. "My god." He muttered, kicking his foot against the ground.

"See! This is what I mean, I'm seeing a whole different side to you right now!" Olivia exclaimed.

"Because you're fucking with my head Olivia!" He shouted. "Jesus fucking Christ! All you've ever spoke about with me is how Elliot doesn't understand you. And now you're telling me it's me who doesn't understand and Elliot is the one who knows you better than anyone." He growled "Will you please just make up your mind?"

Olivia stood stunned. He was right. She was messing with him, it wasn't fair, to him, to her or to Elliot.

"Tell me about you." She started. "I don't know anything apart from you are the kindest most thoughtful person I have ever met. And you are extraordinarily good in bed." She chuckled, grinning when she heard the low chuckled from the back of his throat. "Tell me something."

"What do you wanna know?"

"Anything"

Brian thought for a moment, unsure of what she wanted to hear but went for it anyway. "I love the rain, I love when it's really heavy and you can hear it battering off the windows. I hate reality TV shows, like I really hate them. I'm a bit of a movie fanatic. I love rock music, and country, the old stuff though, Johnny Cash and those kinda guys, none of the crap that's floating around the radio today. I drink coffee like it's going out of fashion. I wasn't the brightest kid at school, and let's face it, I'm still not." He laughed "I love my niece and nephew, they are awesome. I want kids someday, I know I do. I'm terrified of turning out like my father but I know if I ever had kids, I wouldn't leave them like he left us. I like my job, but I've had so many close calls that I know it's not all I've got to live for any more." He took a deep breath and looked over at her "I don't know what else you want to know Liv. I guess you'd learn more as we went along."

Olivia smiled at him "I don't know if you realise this or not but you've pretty much just described me."

They still stood on opposite sides of the room, chuckling at the similarities between them. Olivia jumped slightly when her phone went off signalling a text.

Brian glanced at her face, her appearance changing back to what it was when she walked in.

"What is it?" He asked

"Elliot…" She told him "I love you and I hope you think everything through, I don't want to lose you." She said quietly, quoting the text message she had just received.

Brian nodded and then scoffed, shaking his head. "You know what?" He said harshly, his voice deep and gravelly as the emotion got stuck in his throat. "I can't do this." He ran his hand through his hair.

"Bri…"

"I can't Liv. I thought I could wait around forever, believe me, for you, I would. But you are nowhere near to making a decision about this right now, and I am far too into you to stand around and listen to you about how hard this is, I'm so sorry. I am." He explained

"I want you to pick me, I do, I don't care if I sound like a teenage girl about this but my god, I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I can see this is killing you and you don't wanna break someone's heart, I get it, it's a hard choice. Elliot, the stable family man, knows what he wants and who he is and all of that and then there's me. I get it, I'm a second choice. I have no clue about anything. It's not really that hard a choice if you think about it, so I'm going to make it for you."

"Don't you dare" She growled.

"The only thing I want in this world is for you to love me back." He said, tears forming in his eyes. He finally said it, it was out in the open, she now knew exactly how he felt. He knew this was the only way she would make a choice about this, if someone else made it for her. Elliot wasn't going to give her up.

"I'll fight for you Liv, I will fight to my death but you clearly don't want me to. You want an easy out, you want one of us to back down so you won't have to make a decision. Well you know what? I'm backing down. Go to Elliot, live your perfect life with his perfect family and his perfect ideal of a perfect world. I want you to have that life, I want nothing more than for you to have the life you've always dreamed of. I don't want you to be miserable with me when you could be so happy with him."

"Brian, please don't do this." She said, wiping her tears away with her sleeve.

He walked to his door and opened it, ushering for her to leave.

"Get out."

* * *

_**continue or not?**_  
_**let me know!**_  
_**THANKS X**_


	8. Chapter 8

**_I hate the beginning of this, actually I hate quite a lot of it but oh well._**

**_you'll just have to let me know what you think!_**

**_really M rated towards the end. like really..._**

**_lyrics: trying not to love you - nickelback_**

* * *

_You call to me, and I fall at your feet_  
_How could anyone ask for more?_  
_And our time apart, like knives in my heart_  
_How could anyone ask for more?_

_._

One month after leaving Brian's apartment at his request, Olivia stood in her bedroom, carefully applying black eyeliner to her eyes, a little heavier than usual. It wasn't often that she got to dress up and go out but tonight she was. She and Elliot had broken up, in her eyes anyway but maybe not in his. She had made it clear that she didn't want to be with him anymore but he couldn't seem to take no for an answer, he was determined to 'win her back' as he so delightfully put.

She was invited out tonight with Casey, needing a drink and a night out on the town she gleefully said yes, ignoring the fact that Elliot had already asked her out for drinks tonight with him and some of the other guys from his squad, including Brian. That was no factor in her decision making and had nothing to do with the reason she had jumped at the chance to go out. Well, maybe a little to do with it. She felt like a teenager, she craved his attention; she craved his mouth on hers, the feel of his body on top of her, his weight heavy on her body, his hard muscular hips thrusting hard inside of her, pulling the screams and cries of passion from her throat, leaving her body numb and breathless for days.

They hadn't been in contact in a month, she had tried to call him a few times but he never answered his phone. She knew she had hurt him but he hurt her too. She wanted to be with him and tonight she was going to prove it.

She shed her silk robe, quickly checking her lingerie choice in the mirror.

Red.

He loved her in red and she knew it. She practically had him on his knees begging the first time he saw her in red underwear. He tore it hard from her body and took her hard against the wall, giving her one of the most intense orgasms of her life.

Olivia shook her head free of the memory; she felt her skin flush as she got hot at the thought of him once again. Her ringing cell phone broke her from her trance.

"Hey Case."

"I'm outside, let me up!" Casey called through the phone. Olivia grabbed her robe and opened the front door of her apartment, waiting for her best friend to arrive.

"Sure, just come in."

.

"Black or Navy Blue?" Olivia called to Casey, who was currently pouring the two a shot of whiskey.

"Let me see!" She walked out to the kitchen, holding both dresses in her hands.

"Damn Liv, you planning on showing enough skin?" Casey laughed.

"Why not?" She smirked, glancing between the two dresses, both strapless, both fitted, both cutting mid-thigh, she was definitely showing some skin tonight.

"Shoes?"

"Red Heels"

"Liv, I'll have sex with you." Both women laughed and finally decided on the black dress.

Olivia pulled the dress on, running her hands down the sides, checking herself out in the mirror, making sure everything looked the way it was supposed to before grabbing her red high heels and slipping into them, she picked up her red lipstick from the dresser and drew a perfect line across her lips before throwing the little plastic tube into her clutch bag and grabbing her leather jacket.

.

"What the hell is up with you lately Cass? Your girl dump you are something?" Adam asked as he handed Brian a beer.

"Something like that." He answered his voice rough as he swigged a mouthful of beer.

"It's fine; just have enough of those…" Adam said, pointing to his beer "And find a chick who'll do you. Get her out of your system, easy as that."

"It's a wonder how you're still single man." Brian joked, tapping his bottle with Adam's as Elliot and two other guys sat down at the booth.

They made small talk and joked about their jobs and love lives for almost an hour before Elliot caught sight of Olivia and Casey making their way into the bar.

"Damn. I'm bagging one of them." Adam turned away from the guys, as he stood up; Brian grabbed the back of his collar and pulled him back into his chair.

"Sure you fucking are" He stated. "That's Elliot's woman." He said nodding towards Olivia, who stood with her back to him.

He watched her long legs casually cross and uncross again as she stood at the bar, guys ogling at her from all angles. His blood ran cold as Elliot got up and told them he was going to get them to come over.

He watched her demeanour change as Elliot stood beside her; she stood back from him slightly, turning to glance over at the table, their eyes catching each other. She smirked as she grabbed her drink and made her way over to the table, the sway of her hips captivating every guy in the room.

"Hello boys." She shrugged off her jacket before grabbing the empty chair next to Brian and sitting herself down. Casey and Elliot followed behind with two trays of drinks.

Two hours later everyone was feeling gloriously buzzed, Elliot made his way back up to the bar while Adam and Casey made their way to the makeshift dance floor and the two other guys decided it was time for a cigarette break and stepped outside.

Olivia turned in her seat, shifting her legs closer to Brian, opening them slightly. Her left arm went to the back of his chair while her right hand made its way onto his knee. She turned her head and watched Elliot at the bar, making sure he wasn't watching. They weren't a couple anymore but this wasn't the best time for him to find out she's been fucking his partner for the best part of six months.

"I want you." She whispered in his ear, her lips dangerously close to his neck as her fingers trailed their way up his thigh.

"Liv…" He interrupted her, his hand coming to pull hers from his leg.

"No." She growled, her nails digging into his thigh. "I want you." Her hand slowly made its way up his legs, her index finger gently tracing the zipper of his jeans, smirking as she felt him harden under her hand "I want you tonight. Tomorrow night..." She whispered in his ear, her head turning every few seconds to keep an eye on everyone else who could see them.

"Every night." She pulled away quickly as Casey and Adam helped Elliot with the drinks and made their way back to the table.

"Thanks guys." Olivia smiled at the rest of the guys at the table "I'm gonna go freshen up." She stood up and pressed herself, deliberately against Brian as she made her way to the back on the room.

"Me too." Brian announced before slipping away and following her out the back door.

.

Olivia swung round on her heel when she heard the back entrance door slam shut. She stood in the middle of the alley, the street lights above being the only light behind her.

"Well, hi." She smirked, holding her arms out and tilting her hips to the right.

"What are you doing, Liv?" Brian shoved his hands deep in his pockets, watching the woman he loved flirt around with him in a dark alley while their friends and her ex-boyfriend waiting patiently inside.

"I miss you." She told him "I miss your voice; I miss your smile, your hands…" She stepped closer to him, her hands clutching the sides of his jacket "The way you grab me tight but you're careful not to make bruises, wouldn't want to get caught now would we? The way you throw me on the bed, when you get rough and can't control yourself around me, when you take it slow, I can see it all Bri…you miss me too, you miss all of that about me." She smirked, her hands running down his chest, her nails scratching him through his grey shirt.

"Liv…" He lifts his hands, running them up her shoulders to the back of her neck, softly gliding into her dark wavy locks. He leans forward, his forehead pressing against hers.

"I miss you so much." She whispers, her hands clutching his jacket again as she pressed her lips to his, the moment suddenly changing from teasing to loving in three seconds flat.

"I miss when you hold me, the way you pull me close and tell me everything is going to be alright. I miss how you make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world." She smiled "I just want us back"

He drops one arm around her waist, pulling him flush against her, gently pushing her against the wall, keeping one hand in her hair and her lips attached to his. Their kisses soft, lips barely touching, the feel of her breath on his driving him crazy.

"We can't keep doing this."

"I broke up with Elliot."

"I don't think that's the way he sees it." Brian pulled back. "He's been at you like a dog with a bone all night."

"We broke up." Olivia stated firmly. "He knows this. He's just…determined I guess. I want you Brian." She stepped closer to him, her hands touching his chest again.

"Come home with me." She whispered against his lips. "Please...I'll make it worth your while." She joked, her smile lighting up the darkness between them.

"Liv, it's not that simple." He ran a hand through his hair as he stepped back from her.

"Why not? Don't you want us to be together?" She asked

"Was there ever an 'us' Liv? Or were you just bored?" He asked bravely.

Olivia cursed under her breath and took a look at herself, she felt pathetic for dressing up like this for him, for trying to win him back, for being pathetic enough to believe that he wanted her.

"It was never just boredom, Brian." She said, her voice breaking, tears filling her eyes. "God, it's never going to be easy with us is it?" She laughed, wiping her tears away.

"I don't think so." He laughed, stepping closer to her, bringing his hand to her face, wiping her tears away, making sure her make-up wasn't smudged, the last thing she needed was attention on the fact she was upset.

"It would be worth it though right? Us?" She asked her voice full of hope.

.

After leaving the bar one at a time, Brian now stood outside the apartment of Olivia Benson. He heard her call out before she made her way to the door. He couldn't help but get hard at the sound of her high heels banging against her wood flooring, she looked so hot in high heels, hell, she looked hot in anything and nothing.

"Hey." She smiled, opening the door for him to step in.

"Hi."

She bolted the door shut and stood nervously in front of him, she felt the butterflies in her stomach as she watched him gaze around her apartment.

"Nice place." He had never been in her home before; they were always at his place. She knew where everything was and even rearranged some stuff. He knew nothing about hers.

"Can we just sit for a while?" She asked hesitantly

"Of course" He nodded "I'm not expecting anything, Liv." He told her honestly.

"Want some coffee?"

"Sure"

He took a seat on her couch, looking around at the books on the shelves, the photos on the cabinet next to the TV, he was guessing the older woman in one of the pictures was her mother; she never talked about her family much.

.

They flirted back and forth for a while before she finally stood up in front of him. He sat back on her couch, his legs spread in front of him. She stood just in between them, the rough denim of his jeans just grazing her bare legs.

"I wore something for you."

"You mean it's not all for me?" He grinned, raising his arms behind his head.

She shook her head and smirked, she raised her arms slowly to her right side, gripping the tiny zipper between her fingers and slowly dragging it south, the fabric of her dress separating inch by inch. Brian groaned quietly, feeling himself harden, he became completely useless when she teased him. He melted so easily and she knew it.

She pushed her dress down slightly, the cups of her strapless, lacy red bra showing just above the dress.

"Fuck." He moaned.

"Hopefully" She smirked.

She pushed the dress all the way to the floor, stepping out of the offending material, kicking it off to the side. Her breath got stuck in her throat as Brian leaned forward, his hands coming to rest on the backs of her legs, his fingers gently brushing the sensitive skin of her thighs.

He pressed a kiss to her lower belly, his tongue drawing a wet line along the top of her red lacy panties; she cupped his head in her hands, her head falling back, as he gripped the edges and tugged at them.

She grinned and fell forward, pushing him back into the sofa, her legs spread on either side of his. She tore at his shirt, her hands running down his bare, muscular chest. She ground her hips against his, feeling his hard length pushing against his jeans, she leaned herself over him, her already soaked panties combined with the friction of his jeans rubbing her the right way. His hands gripped her hips, stopping her from teasing him any longer.

She grabbed his hands; linking their fingers she pushed his arms up against the back of the couch. She thrust hard against him, watching him fight to keep it together. Her head fell forward and her mouth open with a groan as he bucked against her.

"You gonna come?" He whispered, his lips latching onto her earlobe. "You gonna make yourself come for me?" He growled.

"Oh my god…" She whispered, her hips grinding into him, she gripped his hands tight feeling her body heat soar as he continued to tease her.

"Come on Olivia…"He whispered, moving his lips to her neck "Make yourself come for me."

She ground harder, throwing her head back when he bucked hard against her once more; she felt the fire in her stomach turn from a spark to a full blown explosion. She squealed as her orgasm hit, begging him for more, continually thrusting against his length. Her hips bucked and her muscles clenched, her whole body shook with a force she never expected.

"It's not stopping." She squeaked "God!" She growled into his neck as she kept rubbing herself hard on him.

"Liv..." He groaned, feeling the temperature of his body exceed a normal range, he was still almost fully dressed and ready to explode.

He released his hands from hers and grabbed her still bucking hips, forcing her to stop. He reached between them, his index finger softly tracing the outside of her panties.

"You are so wet" He grinned, feeling her juices seep through the lace onto his fingers. She grinned back and pressed her lips hard against him; she reached up and ran her hand through her already damp hair.

"What are you gonna do about it?" She grinned

He flipped her over and lay her down on the sofa, her tanned skin, dark hair and red underwear a perfect contrast against the pale cream couch. He attached his lips to hers, his fingers still lightly teasing her slit through her panties. He gently bit her lower lip, groaning when he felt her hand grip his hardness.

"Get them off." She whispered, moving her hand to his belt buckle.

After a few moments he climbed back on top of her, clad in only his black boxers. His kissed her hard while his hand slipped inside her panties. His fingers teased her slit, every so often pressing against her clit or her warm, slick entrance. She gripped his wrist, mixing her fingers with his again and pressing two of his inside of her. She clenched hard at the welcome intrusion, pushing her hips against his wrist. After two more penetrating orgasms, one from his fingers the other from his mouth and very talented tongue they ended up in her bed.

"Look how gorgeous you are." He groaned into her ear, his hand running though her hair as they faced her full length mirror. His hands roamed her now naked body, his lips kissing along the back of her shoulders as his steel hard length pressed into her back.

He bent her forward slightly; his hands on her hips as he pushed himself inside her heat, groaning as she tightened like a vice around him. He watched her face in the mirror; her eyes clenched shut, her mouth open wide. He watched her chest rise and fall as she took long, deep breaths, a continuous moan falling from her kiss bruised lips as inch by inch he filled her.

His thrust came slow and deep; he shuffled around a little, coming up onto his knees and wrapping his left arm around her waist, bringing her up to knees, her back flush against his chest, her feet in between his legs, her legs close together, her body feeling tighter than ever before.

"Oh fuck." Olivia groaned as he settled fully inside her. "Fuck, fuck, _fuck_." She cried out, falling forward slightly, only being held up by his strong arm around her hips, never in her life had sex felt like this. This was intense and passionate, it was fire and rage and love and desperation all rolled into one perfect combination.

Her head fell against his shoulder as he began to slowly thrust his hips back and forth. Her hands came to grip the arm wrapped around her waist, her black painted nails coming to dig into his skin, leaving harsh red marks as he thrust harder.

She watched in the mirror as he grinned at her, a smug look on his face. His free hand started making its way south, her breath hitched in her lungs as his fingers made their way to her clit, pressing softly against it, rubbing circles against the swollen, over-sensitive nub. Her hips bucked hard into him as she grabbed his wrist, trying to stop him from touching her there.

"It's too much." She moaned, cussing him, her eyes closed again as her body went into spasm against him, she felt her orgasm coming strong and hard, with more intensity than she had ever felt before.

Brian thrust harder into her, feeling his own impending orgasm hit him like a brick to the face. As she started her continuous moaning he clamped his hand that was previously around her waist over her mouth. He stopped his movements and told her to be quiet.

Her eyes widened as she heard her name and a harsh knocking on her front door.

Elliot.

She tried to pull away but Brian thrust deeper. Her body betrayed her as he pushed his hips hard and fast, feeling her imminent orgasm around him.

Olivia's eyes widened, her hands reached around and gripped his thighs, her nails digging deep into his skin as his steel length pistoled in and out of her and his fingers rubbed her clit back and forth, hard and fast.

She screamed into his hand, her body fell forward, still held up by him as he growled into the skin of her back, their bodies continued to buck against one and other as he exploded inside of her. Brian collapsed backwards, pulling her with him, still impaled on his cock her body shook on top of his. His hand still over her mouth as she continued to moan, he knew she wasn't finished, the way her body ground on his told him all he needed to know. He pressed his fingers hard against her swollen nub, he spread her legs to either side of his, her back was still against his chest and he pulled out of her and thrust his fingers hard inside, his palm coming to rub her hard. She squealed into his hand as the knocking on her front door continued, her body shook and clenched on his as she rode out the single most extreme and violent orgasm of her life.

She felt the tears in her eyes at the sheer intensity of the moment. She felt their combined juices slip down her thighs as she rolled off of him. Her body felt completely numb, she ran her hand across her face and through her now sweat soaked hair.

She jumped up when she heard a key in the lock, grateful that she had remembered to chain the lock on the door when Brian came over. She fell from the bed and grabbed her robe, stumbling through to the front door where a drunken Elliot was trying to get in to her apartment.

"No, Elliot! Go home" She scolded through the door.

"Come on, Liv." He pleaded "Let me in."

"No, we are over. Go home and leave me alone, please." She raised her hand to her head, feeling dizzy as hell; clearly she stood up too fast.

She heard him make his way down the hall, mouthing off about how they were meant to be together. She made her way back into the bedroom and collapsed her naked frame on top of Brian's.

"I literally have no words." She mumbled, her face pressed into the pillow.

.

Three weeks later, Olivia paced the floor, her hands running through her hair, her heart pounding ferociously in her chest. She felt dizzy and sick and stupid and completely and utterly terrified as she stared at the little white stick on the bathroom counter.

_Pregnant._

* * *

**_so, yeah._**  
**_whatcha think?_**  
**_let me know or I won't update!_**

**_THANKS._**


	9. Chapter 9

_**Holy shit, over 100 reviews for this.**_  
_**YOU GUYS ARE THE GREATEST EVER.**_  
_**THANK YOU SO MUCH!**_

_**I'm so glad you are all still enjoying and reading.**_  
_**Again, please keep commenting because otherwise I have no idea how you feel and if you even want more.**_

_**This is quite a long chapter but yeah, hopefully you enjoy it.**_

_**lyrics: oklahoma sky - miranda lambert**_

* * *

_Lightning flashed, everything went silent_  
_A feather could have knocked me to the floor_  
_Missing piece was found_  
_I was finally alive_

_._

It had been a full week since Olivia had been shocked to her core by the positive sign on the pregnancy test she had hesitantly taken. It had been three days since she'd taken the last one. Seven tests in total, seven tests and seven positives. After the third test came back she immediately called her doctor and booked and appointment which was tomorrow at eleven am.

It was official. Olivia Benson was definitely, positively pregnant.

Pregnant

Up the spout

Bun in the oven

_Pregnant_

She sat at her desk, mindlessly typing up a DD5. She blinked a few times before realising she'd typed the same sentence three times. She sat back in her chair and let out a sigh, her hands coming to rest on her still flat stomach. She quickly pulled her hands back and set them on the desk, god she was actually like an expectant mother already.

She pulled her cell phone from the corner of her desk and scrolled through trying to find one name. Just as she began typing him a text message, he walked through the squad room doors.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Detective Brian Cassidy! What are you doing here? You not got yourself shot yet?" Munch joked as he stood up and shook the younger detective's hand. Olivia couldn't help but glare at Munch for his inappropriate statement; she quickly softened when Brian gazed over at her.

"Hey Liv" He smiled and walked over to her, Nick and Rollins were stuck interrogating a creep so the area surrounding her desk was practically empty which she was thankful for.

"Hi" She smiled; she couldn't tell if it was the baby growing inside of her that was making her nervous or if it was Brian being here, in front of her colleagues. "What are you doing here?" She asked quietly, her hands busy fiddling with a pen.

"Your Cap wants to see me, seems this Strachan case is never-ending." He groaned "I'm still on leave and I'm being called in." She chuckled at his boyish attitude.

Just then Cragen stepped out of his office and called Brian in. Olivia leaned back and ran her hands through her hair, she watched through the office blinds for a good twenty minutes at Brian and Cragen, as she saw Brian get to his feet she quickly grabbed her jacket and left the room, heading for the elevator.

.

"Hey." Brian sneaked up behind Olivia, chuckling when she jumped when she felt his hand on the small of her back.

"Jesus Bri, don't do that" She smiled, placing her hand over her chest.

"What's up, Liv?" He asked, stepping down a step and turned to face her. He noticed her mood change lately but didn't want to point it out, if she wanted to talk to him she would.

"I uh…we need to talk." She said quietly, staring down at her feet, the cold wind blowing her hair in front of her face.

Brian felt his heart drop slightly, this was it. She had finally come to her senses; she was going to leave him. Olivia gazed at him and noticed the nervous look on his face, she felt terrible that she had practically used him for so long that he was so anxious around her, especially when it came to their relationship.

"I'm not leaving you." She said quietly, making sure no one could overhear their conversation.

"I…okay." He replied, his heart rate slowly going back to normal "Is everything alright?" He asked, quickly glancing around to make sure no one was watching them before carefully taking her hand in his, stepping closer to her to shield their joined hands from anyone else's view.

"I think so. I just…"

"Come over later." He interrupted. "I don't think here is the best place to be doing this." He joked, gesturing to the 1-6 building behind them, grateful when he got a smile from her glossed lips.

"No, probably not" She smiled "It's an easy day today, I could escape around five?"

"Sounds good, I'll make dinner or something."

"By 'or something' you mean call and order take out?" She laughed.

"Let's see how the cooking goes first" He laughed with her "If the fire alarms are going off when you arrive, be prepared for take out." He squeezed her hand gently, before turning to leave.

"So I'll see you later?"

"Yeah" She smiled before quickly pulling him back to her, barely two inches separating their bodies "I really want to kiss you" She whispered

"Feelings mutual" He grinned, his finger coming up to the middle of her chest, running slowly down her front to the clasp of her belt buckle. He quickly glanced around again at the few rookies who were getting in and out of cars, parading around the door. No one was watching them.

He climbed the step and pulled her close, their bodies clashing as his pressed his lips to hers for a second. He grinned as she gently bit his bottom lip when he pulled back.

"Living dangerously are we detective?" Brian grinned at her running his hand down her side before quickly squeezing her ass under her long black coat.

"Maybe." She grinned back, trying to ignore her stomach which was churning with nervous making her feel nauseous.

"I'll let you get back to work. See you later." He smiled and winked at her playfully before walking off towards his car.

Olivia groaned at herself as she noticed her hand make its way back to her stomach, for the past week she unconsciously found herself touching her stomach at random moments during the day. She wanted to be happy about the baby, about the tiny new life that was growing inside of her, part of her was ecstatic that she was pregnant, she was finally going to be a mom. The other part of her was terrified, she had no idea how to tell Brian, she had no idea how he would react, would he leave? Tell her he wasn't ready for a kid and then never speak to her again? How would Elliot react? That thought alone made her want to vomit.

Elliot had always had a temper; he got mad when he didn't get his own way. How was he going to react to this? To the fact that not only had she broken up with him but she had been sleeping with his partner for months and was now pregnant with his child!

She felt herself getting light headed. She quickly ran back inside and stormed her way into the bathroom before heaving up what felt like everything she had ever ate in her life. When she was done she fell back against the wall of the cubicle and rested her head on her knees.

"I can't take months of this" She mumbled to herself before placing her hand back on her stomach, slowly rubbing it back and forth.

_You really are in there aren't you? _She thought before sorting herself out and getting back to work.

.

Olivia made her way to Brian's apartment, praying that her nerves would settles and her stomach would stop somersaulting, her hands shook as she knocked on the door. She felt her nerves fade slightly and grinned when Brian answered the door in his grey t-shirt and jeans, a dish towel hanging over his shoulder.

"I don't hear fire alarms." She joked, making her way into his apartment.

"Well hello to you too beautiful." He smiled, pulling her closer to him, pressing his lips to hers for a much needed and wanted kiss, grinning when he saw her cheeks blush.

"Hmm, I've been waiting for that all day." She smiled, slipping her jacket off and wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Really?" His arms made their way around her waist, his left and sneaking down to grab her ass "I can do it again if you'd like?"

Olivia nodded and the pair began engaging in a heavy make-out session. Her hands make their way to his jeans, popping the button and carefully pulling at his zipper.

"Uh no" He pulled back. "Food first, I've been slaving away all day for you" He grinned, kissing her firmly.

"Hmm, have you really?"

"I have."

.

After dinner, the couple ended up lying sprawled on the comfy couch in the middle of the living room. Brian ran his hand through Olivia's hair as she lay in between his spread legs, her head on his chest, her hands gently running up and down his sides as they watched TV. Olivia felt herself drifting off to the lull of his heartbeat beneath her ear.

"Hey, what was wrong before?" Brian asked quietly his hand carefully brushing her hair back from her face "You said you wanted to talk"

"Yeah" She mumbled into his shirt, her heart pounding, her mind racing, thinking of every possible way to tell him, in the end she did the only thing she had told herself not to do. She blurted it out.

"So what's up?"

"I'm pregnant"

She didn't move from her position on the couch, she lay completely still, so still she almost forgot to breath; she heard Brian's heart beating faster and faster in his chest.

"Pregnant…"

"Yeah"

"As in 'having a baby' pregnant…"

"Bri…"

"You are pregnant." He repeated, trying to get the thought into his head.

Olivia pushed herself up from his body and he immediately sat up, throwing his legs over the side to rest on the floor. She watched as he bounced his legs up and down before standing up and pacing back and forth. She took deep, slow breaths, trying to calm herself down. The tears she felt before were now making their presence known as a few fell from her dark eyes, she wiped them away and stood up and made her way over to the window, she gazed out over the city, the darkness of the night beginning to take over, the street lights dim beneath her.

She hesitantly turned, her heart thudding in her throat.

"Are you gonna break up with me?" He asked.

Olivia scrunched her face in confusion "What?"

"I know nothing about kids." He started "I'm not the most stable guy you know, the job, my…I don't…maybe you'd be better with Elliot. Oh god"

"Brian…"

"I don't know what to do." He panicked. "I mean, my god Liv, you're having a baby. I have no idea what to do." He paced the room again "Tell me what to do. What do you need?" He asked, the words falling fast from his nervous mouth. "I think I'm having a heart attack."

"Babe, please…"

"What?" He questioned, quickly making his way over to her "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She laughed, Brian grinned, the tears shining in her eyes as she laughed.

"You're having a baby." He repeated again.

"I'm having a baby."

"Can I…" He reached his arms out nervously for her as if it was their first ever hug.

She just nodded and laughed as she felt herself being lifted from the ground in a tight hug. Olivia wrapped her arms around him, placing a kiss to the side of his head.

"This is…" He put his hands over his face and sighed "I don't even know."

"Me either"

"Everything's okay right? Have you been to the doctor and stuff?"

"I'm going tomorrow" She explained "They'll do a blood test and everything, hopefully be able to tell me how far along I am." She grinned, her hand coming to rest, once again, on her stomach, this time she didn't have to hide it.

"God…" Brian leaned down and placed both his hands on her stomach. "We're having a kid, Liv."

"I know." She gripped his hands with hers "How are you feeling?"

"Terrified" He admitted with a smile "You?"

"A little better, now that I've told you."

He leaned up and kissed her on the mouth "How long have you known?"

"A week, I took seven tests and still didn't believe it, not until this afternoon when I started throwing up."

"Better get used to that I guess." He told her, his eyes never leaving her stomach. "Do you want me to come tomorrow, the doctor, I can come with you if you'd like?"

Olivia grinned and kissed him "If you want to, it's at eleven."

"What about work? Have you told Cragen?"

"Hell no" She laughed "I got the day off tomorrow, told him I'd be on call this weekend if I could have the day off. He agreed."

"What are you gonna do about work?" He asked anxiously "Surely can't keep running around, stressing yourself out. That can't be good for the baby, or for you."

"Bri…calm down." She ran her fingers through his hair "I'll probably get shunned to desk duty as soon as I tell Cragen anyway, don't worry."

"Oh hell, you realise I'll be worrying about you every single second of the day now, I already do but now…jesus…" Olivia couldn't help but laugh at his panicked state.

"Everything is going to be fine." She kissed him after every word. "Come on, I'm tired now." She grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom.

.

"Where are you going?" Brian mumbled his voice deep and hoarse from sleep, he rolled over fully onto his back.

"I'm hungry"

"You are?" He chuckled, his hand running through her hair "Damn Liv, it's six am."

"Uh huh" She muttered as her fingers traced his hardening length through the material of his boxers.

He groaned and gently pulled her hair as she removed the offending material and kissed the head of him before enveloping him in her hot, wet mouth, her tongue tracing circles around his member. He lifted the covers and watched her head bob up and down, taking his whole, impressive length in her mouth.

"Liv…" He warned

She just mumbled, the vibrations from her lips making him involuntarily buck his hips and grip her hair tight, her hands made their way to his thighs, her nails gently biting into the skin of his right thigh while her finger tips softly traced the line of the scar on his left.

"Come here." He groaned, pulling her hair slightly, she just growled and sucked him harder.

Olivia grinned after his release, she sat back up, pushing the covers off of her and throwing them to the foot of the bed, one hand wiping her mouth, the other running through her messy bed hair. She watched his breathing almost return to normal before moving to straddle his stomach. His hands rested on her thighs, slowly moving up toward her stomach.

"Morning" She whispered as she leaned forward, pressing her lips to his chin.

"Uh huh" He muttered his hand running back into her hair before pulling her mouth to his, his tongue pushing its way into her mouth. He smirked against her lips as he felt her body surrender to fall against him, mouth to mouth, chest to chest, her hands gently caressed his ribs. He sat up slowly, his hands still in her hair, groaning when the lace of her panties rubbed against his sensitive length.

"Good morning."

"God, I could make-out with you all day." She mumbled, her lips meshing with his once more. She slowly wrestled her tongue with his; there was nothing more erotic for her than a hot kiss. _His_ kiss. The battle of tongues, the feel of his breath on hers, the way his hands would almost always make their way into her hair, it was perfect. She batted his hand away when it travelled south towards her panties.

"No." She mumbled against his lips, pressing herself closer to him

"Yes." He muttered, grinning when she bucked her hips against his hand.

"No." She pulled back, groaning when they're lips fell apart from each other "The doctor is gonna be messing around down there…"

"So? I'm pretty sure they've seen worse. Plus, that's what showers are for" He waggled his eyebrows, they both laughed.

"You and I both know what happens when we shower together." Olivia smirked as she sat in Brian's lap, the bed covers in a heap surrounding them at just after six am, the sun barely up in the sky, both bodies tangled and sleepy.

"I really really like you." Olivia whispered against his lips, her fingers messing with the hair at the back of his neck.

"Is that a problem?" Brian took a hold of her hands, linking their fingers and kissing her knuckles before placing them in their laps.

"It is if you're going to break my heart." She gazed down at their joined hands, slowly bringing them up to her stomach. "Especially now" her voice so quiet she could barely hear herself.

"I don't have much, Liv." He admitted "I have no idea what we're going to do about anything but I promise you…" He stressed, his thumb and finger gently tipping her chin so she would look at him "You and this baby will want for nothing, I will do everything I can to give you guys the best life I possibly can…If you'll let me." He shrugged, the over-whelming feeling of dread of heartache flowing from the top of his head to the tips of his toes at the thought of her leaving him, the thought of her finding someone better, richer, someone with a safe job, a doctor or a lawyer, someone who would give her everything she ever wanted and more without even trying, the thought of someone else raising this child with her was enough to kill him.

"I'm scared" She confessed, her voice low, filled with emotion as the tears filled her eyes.

"Me too" Brian smiled, he gently wiped the tears away and pressed his lips to her forehead "It's okay to be scared"

"We don't have a plan"

"We can make one." He squeezed her hand "We can figure this out. Hell, teenagers can do it nowadays, I'm sure two detectives can figure it out."

She laughed and kissed him again "You're not gonna leave right? Once the baby comes and everything changes? Or once everyone finds out about us and yells at me and hates me for being a slut?"

"Hey." He scolded "You are not a slut. Don't you ever say that again you hear? What happened with us was…meant to be I guess. Maybe we went about it the wrong way but who's to say if we didn't we would even be here? We wouldn't be having a baby…"

"I know." She said quietly "I'm glad it happened" She smiled "I'm glad I met you, you have been nothing short of amazing and I'm so sorry for everything that's happened and the backlash that we are both probably going to receive. I don't want you to think that I'm going to up and leave you at any given second. I won't." She said firmly "I think you're it for me, Brian Cassidy." She grinned.

"It'll be worth it." He smiled "I don't deserve you, Olivia Benson."

"No" She shook her head "You don't." She joked; laughing as he toppled them both over, lying over her body he began kissing and nipping at her neck and collar bone, carefully pulling back the collar of her navy, V-neck t-shirt.

She didn't do anything to stop him.

.

Olivia sat in a hospital gown on the edge of the bed, her hand latched onto Brian's as she stared at all the pregnancy and baby posters littered all over the walls. Different ones showing each stage of pregnancy, advice on birth plans and breast feeding, her heart pounded in her chest, the situation becoming all too over-whelming.

"So, Olivia, I'd say you're about eight or nine weeks, give or take." The doctor smiled as she re-entered the exam room.

"Hmm" Olivia replied, her eyes never leaving a detailed poster of an animated full grown baby in the uterus, lines pointing to and from the baby, giving all sort of information and explanations.

"Liv…" Brian squeezed her hand

"Sorry" She turned to the doctor "It's all just…it's a lot to take in."

"It is, it can be very nerve-wracking, especially if it wasn't planned." She turned to the couple who just looked at each other and smirked "But if you need any information at all, about anything, please don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you." Olivia smiled gratefully.

"No problem, now, I've written you a prescription for pre-natal vitamins, fills this out ASAP and start taking them immediately. Also, we'll book you in for another appointment, I'd say four weeks from now. We'll be able to tell more about how far along you are and what's going on and you'll get to hear the heartbeat." The blonde said with a grin.

Olivia smiled when she felt Brian grip her hand tight. This was all of a sudden very _very _real. She was pregnant, the dates matched up, no need to worry about paternity. She had slept with Elliot once when she and Brian had broken their relationship off, she used protection and unbeknownst to her, she was already pregnant.

"Also, I wanted to mention that with your age, I want to keep a closer eye on you, make sure everything is going as it should, in the beginning it should be fine but towards the end of your pregnancy I'll want to see you every couple of weeks as opposed to the usual four."

"That's fine" Olivia knew her age would be a factor in her pregnancy. She was in her late thirty's but was healthy and everything still worked fine but it she just wanted to be sure everything was okay, she had convinced herself early on that this may be her only chance for a child, nothing was going to get in the way.

.

"Wow."

"I know."

"It's real." Brian said, walking from the hospital with Olivia by his side.

"It is."

"It's an actual baby." He said "We are having a baby."

"Yep" Olivia grinned, her hand falling to her stomach, gently caressing the space where their child grew inside of her.

"I kinda wanna scream it from the rooftops right now." Brian grabbed her free hand and pulled it to his mouth and kissed it.

"Me too" She pulled him close in the middle of the hospital parking lot "This is it right, you and me?"

"You and me"

"And baby."

"And baby." He kissed the tip of her nose before they separated and climbed into his car.

.

"Food's here!" Brian called to his girlfriend in the bedroom as he heard the pounding on the front door. He grabbed his wallet and opened the door.

"Hi…" He stood stunned for what felt like an hour

"Hey Cassidy. Cap wanted me to…"

"Babe?! Hurry up, I'm starv…" Olivia came to stand behind Brian, her hands at his waist; she was dressed in nothing but one of his shirts and a pair of running shorts, her bare feet padding quietly across the wood floor. Her blood ran cold and her heart felt like it was made of stone. The blue eyes staring angrily back at her stopped her in her tracks.

"Olivia?"

"Elliot…"

* * *

_**DUN DUN DUUUUUUH.**_  
_**let the games begin!**_

_**continue or not?**_  
_**let me know what you think!**_  
_**X**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**I cannot believe this is the 10th chapter! holy shit.**_  
_**Thank you much for sticking with this, you guys are beyond amazing.**_  
_**I'm so so so happy that you are all still enjoying this!**_

_**Let me know what you think of this one!**_  
_**I had it written and was gonna wait until thursday but why not post it now?**_

_**Let me know what you think otherwise I don't know whether to continue or not!**_

_**lyrics: where i stood - missy higgins**_

* * *

_See I thought love was black and white_  
_That it was wrong or it was right_  
_But you ain't leaving without a fight_  
_And I think I am just as torn inside_

.

Olivia's stomach dropped to her feet. She felt Brian's hand, hidden by the door from Elliot's view come round to gently grasp her hip, squeezing lightly, his way of telling her everything was going to be okay, although she knew it wasn't. The rage in Elliot's eyes was undeniable. He stood tall, his chest puffed out, his knuckles white as he gripped the brown manila folder tight in his hands, his eyes trained on her.

"Elliot…" Her voice was quiet as she stood behind Brian.

"Cassidy...?" Elliot questioned her, pretending Brian was even standing there. "Really Liv? Out of everyone in the city you shack up with Brian Cassidy?"

"It's not…"

"Oh please don't tell me 'it's not what you think'" He scoffed. "Seriously, I'm not that fucking stupid." He growled at her, his voice a loud echo in the secluded hallway.

They stood in silence, the tension so thick they could choke to death. Brian stepped back, his hand gently guiding Olivia back into the apartment, motioning for Elliot to come in and talk, not wanting to risk any neighbours walking out and witnessing the commotion.

"How long have you two been at it?" Elliot asked, pacing a little.

"El…"

"Don't you dare lie to me" He growled, getting a little too close to Olivia.

"Hey." Brian stepped in, pushing his arm between the two of them. He watched as Olivia stepped back and sat on the window ledge, one hand on her stomach the other running through her hair, coming to rest over her lips.

"I'm sorry El. I am, I didn't want you to find out like this." She sat taking deep breaths, trying to curb the morning sickness, there was nothing like some heavy tension and an angry ex coming face to face with your baby daddy to bring on the nausea.

"Find out what? That my girlfriend is fucking my partner?"

"Elliot, take it easy man." Brian tried to diffuse the situation, take some of the heat off Olivia and give her a moment to collect herself.

"Don't you dare even come into this" Elliot raged "How the fuck could you do this? You knew we were having problems man. What did you just casually walk up to her and promise her the world? Try and take her from me? Poison her against me"

"She's not property Elliot." Brian scolded "I didn't steal your fucking house. And she has a mind of her own you know, she is grown woman who is capable of making her own decisions."

"No! You stole my girlfriend!"

"He didn't _steal_ me Elliot! God! We're not in the 9th grade!" Olivia yelled at him, sick of him talking about her like he had some sort of ownership.

"So what happened? You got bored and thought hmm, this guy's paying some attention, let's take him home and fuck him behind Elliot's back!" Elliot threw the folder on the floor, his voice angry as vile words spewed from his lips.

"No"

"So it was you" He turned to Brian "I knew you were spending a little too much time on that case, spending a little too much time working with the SVU team, when in reality you were using that time to bed my girlfriend."

"You know what?" Brian got in Elliot's face "It is my fault."

Olivia screwed her face at Brian's admission, it wasn't his fault. She was the one who continued to pester him, she was the one who wanted to continue seeing him being Elliot's back. It was her who instigated all of their meetings and sexual liaisons. In the long run Brian wasn't the one in the wrong. He was the single one, trying to get her to confront her emotions, to be honest with herself and trying to let her figure out what she wanted. Yet here he was, once more, making himself look like the bad guy, saving her from taking the verbal beating from her raging ex.

Brian held his hands up "I had no idea she was your girlfriend until you introduced us in the squad room, and yeah, I didn't think it would go anywhere, pretty sure she didn't either, but it did. There's nothing you can do about it now."

"So what? She was just a quick fuck when you needed it?" Elliot questioned, glaring over at Olivia "Are you hearing this?" He asked her "He doesn't even give a shit about you."

Brian stood back from Elliot, making eye contact with Olivia, shaking his head faintly, letting her know that it wasn't true. He did care about her; he fucking loved her for god's sake.

"Elliot, you don't understand."

"Explain away." He held his arms open, inviting her to give her side of the story.

She glanced over at Brian "Can you give us a minute?" She asked, her voice quiet

He nodded "Sure." He walked to her, placing a soft hand on her hip "Take it easy" He whispered as he pressed his lips to her forehead before walking off to the bedroom.

.

"What happened, Liv?" Elliot's voice quietened "I thought we were good?"

"We're completely different people Elliot." She stood up and walked towards him "I'm not who I used to be. I changed after Oregon. Everything changed." She admitted "I thought I was in-love with you. And then I left and came back and it turns out I wasn't." She watched his eyes dull, pulling her hand back when he reached for it.

"I thought we loved each other."

"We did, I guess, just at different times."

"You cheated on me." His voice rose a little in anger as he spoke.

"Yes." She admitted quietly.

"I still love you. We can work this out." He pleaded "We can move forward from this"

"No, El." Olivia groaned "I broke up with you for a reason. I wasn't happy."

"And now you are?" He scoffed "With Brian?"

"Yeah, I am." She smiled "I don't need your permission to be happy, Elliot."

"Brian Cassidy? You seriously think it's gonna last?" Elliot laughed "You know he's gonna fuck about with you for a while until he gets bored and then he'll go and find something younger and hotter and then you'll be thrown like trash to the curb."

Brian sat on the bedroom floor, his back against the door, listening to every word that was said. He knew Elliot could be manipulative, he had seen it before at work, with perps, with the captain, the rest of the squad; hell he had even seen it with Olivia. He sat with his hands on his lap, hoping that Olivia wasn't being fooled by his words, that she wasn't believing anything that he was saying. There was no way he could get bored of her; even without the baby coming he knew he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life, the baby was just a perfect added bonus. It terrified him to the bone to think of forever, it was a bloody long time but Brian knew he would give anything to keep her in his life.

"Elliot, stop this." Olivia pleaded. "You can talk shit about this all you want, I'm not listening. I know I had an affair, yes it was wrong but I don't regret it. I regret that you found out like this but I don't regret it happening and I'm sorry if this is too harsh but it needs to be said."

"You're gonna regret this Liv." He told her "Staying with him. It's gonna cause you nothing but heartache. I know what he's like."

"No you don't."

"Yeah, I do." He laughed "I've heard what all the guys have said, about how he's a player, doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything but himself. He's gonna be the exact same with you, he'll get bored and leave, I can guarantee it."

"Are you done now?" Olivia sighed, her head was spinning. She gently rubbed her hand across her stomach trying to calm the nausea that was hitting her with a full unforgiving force.

"I can't believe you Olivia." He shook his head "Are you seriously being like this? What happened to you? To us?"

"God Elliot, the world doesn't revolve around you!" She shouted, her rage pelting him like rocks "I am sorry. Really, I am. But I don't want to be with you anymore. I broke up with you weeks ago, I am happy and you should find someone who makes you happy too. You deserve it Elliot, you deserve to be happy but I can't be that person, I'm sorry." She explained, she felt her emotions getting the better of her as the tears filled her dark, tired eyes.

"I don't believe you" He said quietly. "I can see it in your eyes."

"I mean it Elliot. I do."

"You wouldn't be this upset about it if you meant it." He stepped closer to her, taking her hands in his.

They stood in silence, Olivia felt her heart racing as she opened her mouth to speak, she had no choice but to tell him, he might as well find out now.

"I'm pregnant, Elliot."

Brian felt his heart stop. He stood up quickly, prepared to burst out the door in a flash but stopped and pulled his hand back from the handle when he heard laughter.

Elliot burst out laughing, his hand over his stomach as he tried to control his full blown belly laugh "You're pregnant?" He quietened down significantly when she nodded.

"Nine weeks."

"Let me guess? Brian's the father?"

"Yeah" Olivia couldn't help but smile "I am sorry for all of this Elliot, but at the same time I'm not. Surely you can understand that."

"Sure" He nodded. He knew she wanted to be a mom; it was the one thing missing from her life, as angry as he was, and he couldn't help but be a tiny bit happy that she was finally having a child. He was just livid that it wasn't with him.

"How does Cassidy feel?"

"Excited" She smiled "I'm sorry, this is awkward."

"No, it's fine." He insisted "I mean, you're gonna be an amazing mom. Just a shame that kid is half Brian" He laughed.

"I knew it." She shook her head and turned her gaze to the floor.

"I mean seriously Liv, you really think he's gonna stick around for a kid?" He asked "He'll be here until the kid arrives and then bolt."

"Shut up Elliot. You don't know the first thing about us."

"I know you and that baby would be better off with me" He shrugged. "I could give you guys everything, I've had kids, I know how to deal with them, I know what they need…"

"Get out." Olivia scolded; she marched over to the door and pulled it back hard "Get out." She repeated.

"You're gonna regret this…"

She slammed the door in his face, tears falling from her eyes. She covered her mouth with her hands, trying hard not to sob loud enough for Brian to hear. She stood with her back to the door for a few minutes, composing herself before cautiously walking to the bedroom.

.

"Hi"

Brian looked up from the floor; he now sat with his back against the foot of the bed. "Hey"

"Thanks for letting me do that. I didn't want to bail you out of jail for killing him" Olivia said, grinning as she reached down and ran a hand through his hair. She sat herself down in his lap, her fingers drawing shapes on his chin and neck.

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her closer to his body. "That's okay."

"Did you hear everything?"

"Pretty much" He nodded as his eyes drifted towards her stomach

"Liv…"

"Bri…"

They both started, she smiled and nodded at him to continue. "Go on…"

"I don't want you to settle" He said quietly. "I don't want you to go back to Elliot." He put his fingers to her lips when she tried to interrupt him "But he's right."

Olivia shrunk back slightly, her eyes filled with tears and confusion.

"I'm not leaving you. I love you so much babe, I've said it before." He prompted "Nothing could make me give you up" He smiled at her "But if you weren't happy I'd let you go in a heartbeat, the thought of you being unhappy and feeling stuck makes me sick. I don't want you settling with me just because you're pregnant. I want you to be happy, that is all I want but Elliot was right." He touched her stomach softly through the shirt she wore "I know nothing about kids" He whispered "Absolutely nothing. I don't wanna risk this kid's happiness you know?" He felt his own emotions getting the better of him. "I'm terrified. I know we just found out and it'll sink in and all of that but my god, what if I turn out exactly like Elliot says. What if I turn out like my own father? I have all of these fears that have just turned up and I don't know what to do with them."

"Listen to me." Olivia scolded, wiping the tears from her eyes. "You are going to be an amazing father. You are an amazing boyfriend" She grinned "You have been so kind and patient with me, I have treated you like shit for months and you're still here." She smiled through the tears "You didn't deserve to be second best, you are worth so much more than that. I am so sorry for all of that." She kissed his lips softly, mumbling against his mouth.

Brian brought his left hand up to cup her face "I just want the best for you, and the baby." He traced her bottom lip with his thumb "I know there is someone out there who could take care of you both a lot better than I could. I'm terrified you're going to find him" He laughed.

"I won't." She shook her head and kissed the rough pad of his thumb "It's you I want. You and this baby are all I need."

"Are you sure?"

"You have to stop doing this, Bri." Olivia groaned and stood up in front of him before marching through to the living room. "I want to be with you. If I didn't I wouldn't be here."

"You stuck with Elliot long enough." He muttered, following her out, regretting his words as soon as he said them. "Sorry, that was uncalled for." He ran his hand through his hair before standing on the opposite side of the kitchen counter from her.

"No, you're right. I get why you are hesitant but I'm not leaving you. I want to be with you, I don't care if the richest man in the world turns up at my door promising me everything…he's not you." She reached over and gripped his hands.

"I want to believe you. I do…"

"I'm hesitant about this too you know; come on, you heard what Elliot said about you being a player and all of that shit. I'm having your baby!" Olivia explained "How do I know you're not going to up and leave me with this child by myself?"

Brian hesitated before opening the door to the closet by the front door. "I hid it in here because this closet is full of crap and you rarely go in here." He laughed before rummaging around with the household cleaners, vacuum, old jackets, boxes of stuff that were never looked at anymore. He stepped back out, fiddling with the box in his hand.

"I bought it about two months ago, you can check the receipt." He laughed. As if it were made of glass he set it down on the kitchen counter "I don't know why I bought it so early" He laughed "I erm, I didn't even think you'd stay with me anyway, I thought you'd stay with Elliot because let's face it, he's stable, he knows what he's doing and I don't have a fucking clue. I feel like a bit of an idiot right now."

"Brian…" Olivia couldn't help the tears from falling, her hand clasped around her mouth. She felt her heart pounding in her chest as if trying to break through her rib cage.

"I can take it back, it's okay. We can just pretend you don't know about it" He smiled. "I knew you wouldn't say yes anyway, I don't even know why I bought it really, no one even knows we're together" He chuckled "I always thought you'd wake up one day and realise that being with me was just a waste of time and break it off." He laughed, his emotions getting the better of him as he wiped a stray tear from his face. "I just saw it one day when I was out and thought how amazing it would look on you, you know? How awesome it would be to see you wearing it."

Olivia stood in silence. Brian Cassidy wanted to marry her. Tears fell freely from her eyes; she didn't even try and stop them. Her heart pounded so loud in her chest she could feel it in every inch of her body. Unable to tear her eyes away from Brian, she watched as he stared at the little black velvet box on the counter, his hand going to reach out for it ever so slightly and backing away at the last minute.

"Do you want to….ha, I don't think…do you wanna keep it? I mean, I bought it for you. There's no one else I'd give it to. I could take it back I suppose, they don't have a returns policy on engagement rings do they?" Brian chuckled, trying to make light of the situation. He felt his own heart somewhere around his shoes. The need to vomit just wouldn't leave him alone. He found himself unable to look Olivia in the eyes. He knew she was crying, he could hear it in her breathing and he knew if he took one look at her, she would be in his arms in a second. "I could sell it on I suppose, get some money set aside for the baby?"

"Do you want to marry me?" Olivia whispered, she stepped closer to the counter, the opposite side from Brian, her hands gripping the edge until her knuckles turned white.

"I wouldn't have bought a ring if I didn't, Liv."

"Then why would you take it back, or sell it!?" She felt herself getting angry. Baby hormones meet Olivia Benson. Olivia Benson, baby hormones.

"You don't love me Olivia. Not the way a husband and wife should" he told her, his voice getting quieter with every word spoken.

"How do you know that?"

"Because I see how you look at Elliot. How guilty you feel about it all, how hesitant you've been in your decision to be with me…" He said quietly, his voice defeated. "I guess it all adds up and I just…

"Because I don't love Elliot! I love you! You ass!" She shouted, interrupting his speech.

Brian's head shot up at the stunning revelation that flew from her mouth. He couldn't help but grin "You know that's the first time you've said that?"

Olivia's eyes widened and she shook her head "I…I didn't"

"You can take it back, its fine, I understand" He told her, his grin faded as if it had just been slapped from his face.

"No…Bri, I didn't mean…"

"Liv, I get it, it's okay." He gave her a sincere smile.

"I love you." She told him "God I do, I love you Brian." She took a few quick steps towards him.

He grabbed the box and held it in front of her. "This is how serious I am about you Liv." He reached forward and tucked her hair behind her ear "I'm not going anywhere."

"Is this your idea of a proposal?" She chuckled, trying to reach for the box.

"No." He pulled the box back from her reach. "When I ask you to marry me it's going to be the proposal you deserve, it's going to be romantic and perfect and not when we have no idea what the hell is going on with our relationship…" He laughed and pulled her close. "I love you, Olivia Benson."

"How do I know you even have a ring in there? How do I know you're not lying? That it's just an empty box?" She laughed, reaching for a kiss.

"It's real." He said boldly, he held the box in front of her and opened it sideways, just enough for her to see a glimpse of the band of the ring. He chuckled when she gasped and covered her mouth with both of her hands.

"You actually bought me an engagement ring…" She said, stunned. "I'm in love with you, Brian Cassidy." She mumbled, pressing her lips to his, her hands gripping his shirt. She felt a weight lifted from her shoulders. She had finally admitted to him and to herself that she was in-love with Brian. Elliot knew that they were together and the whole city probably did now as well but it didn't matter. Olivia was finally happy.

"Love you more." He muttered, grinning against her mouth when she moaned deeply into the kiss.

.

Brian lay awake for the majority of the night; Olivia had rolled off of him a few moments ago. She lay on her back, one arm flung above her head, the other still lying across his body. He gazed down to her exposed stomach and gently ran his fingers over the soft, tanned skin.

"Hey baby." He whispered, his arm over her thigh, gently caressing her hip as his face leaned down closer to her stomach.

"I'm your daddy." He grinned "I don't know whether you're my son or daughter yet. I don't mind, you're gonna be amazing either way." He looked up; making sure Olivia was still asleep. "I'm not gonna lie, I'm petrified of being a father. I'm excited, I'm so excited but I'm a little scared. I'm gonna apologise now and let's face it I'll probably apologise every day of your life because I have no idea what I'm doing but I'll pick it up, I'll have your mama helping me out." He gently touched her stomach "You're mama is the greatest woman I've ever met. I love her very much and I'm sure you will too. You have no idea how lucky you are to have her as a mom and how lucky we are to have you as our child. I hit the jackpot with your mom, she's amazing, but you'll find that out soon enough. Just try not to make her too crazy yeah?" Brian pressed his lips against her stomach.

"I love you, kid."

.

* * *

_**Now that Elliot knows, it's only the beginning ;)**_

_**CONTINUE OR NOT?**_  
_**Let me know!**_  
_**THANKS.**_  
_**X**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**another one! **_  
_**thank you guys so much for reading this!**_

_**this one is a lot of dialogue, sorry!**_

_**lyrics: i walk the line - johnny cash**_

* * *

_You've got a way to keep me on your side_  
_You give me cause for love that I can't hide_  
_For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide_  
_Because you're mine, I walk the line_

.

"Can you please not talk about morning sickness when you're riding me?"

Olivia burst out laughing, her hips stilling momentarily, her hands coming forward to rest on his chest, groaning when he bucked his hips up into hers. She had come to realise over the last two weeks that the only thing to curb her bouts of unforgiving morning sickness was the one thing her and Brian were terrific at: sex.

In her twelfth week of pregnancy she had yet to tell her captain and co-workers of her trip to impending motherhood, it was still their perfect little secret, well except for Elliot. He hadn't batted his mouth about her pregnancy and her infidelity like they thought he would, not yet anyway but she felt it was only a matter of time. Brian had returned back to work and found himself unsurprisingly reassigned to a new partner, Elliot was yet to give him anything other than a scoff or an evil glare.

"Oh god…Yes…" She moaned, her head thrown back, her hands gripping her boyfriend's hips. His hands softly teased the skin of her thighs before working their way up her writhing body. Sparks flew through her nerves and her sight disappeared as she reached her peak, she cussed his name as it tore from her throat falling from her lips as her body went rigid on top of him. Brian sat up and wrapped his arms around her smooth frame, her spine arched sharp, her head thrown back, his lips came forward and burned kisses to the column her throat and her collarbone as she tugged at his hair and called his name, riding out the rest of her intense climax.

"I'll never get used to this…." She muttered quietly, pressing kisses to his head and face, her hand coming to cup his cheek.

"What?" He smirked against her lips as he lowered her to the bed, pressing his hips hard into hers, his weight resting on his elbows as his hands ran through her hair.

"This" She moans, pulling his hips into hers. "It's always so good" She smirks, her tongue drawing wet patterns on his already slick neck.

"Hmm, that's all you." He groans, his hand slipping under her thigh, lifting it as he pulled himself from her tight wet heat, smirking all the way down her body till his mouth reached her core. "So sexy…"

"Not for much longer" She moaned as his tongue traced its way around her clit.

"Hey now…" He stopped and pulled himself back up over her. "You will always be beautiful and sexy…" He pressed kisses to her body with every word "And so damn gorgeous that I can barely breathe when I'm near you." They both moaned as he pushed himself back into her awaiting body, arms entangled, lips meshed in a fiery kiss.

"Thank you." She whispered with tears in her eyes, damn hormones.

"I love you, Olivia." Brian rested his forehead against hers "That's never gonna change."

.

"Have you thought about when you're gonna tell Cragen and the squad?" Brian questioned, coming to stand behind her, his arms wrapping around her waist as he kissed the back of her head, his hands gently rubbing back and forth across her stomach.

She mumbled through a mouth full of toothpaste "No."

"Well, you're gonna have to tell them sometime" He pushed, knowing exactly why she was afraid

"I wanna make sure everything is okay first." She replied, spitting into the sink and turning to face him

"It will be. And besides, we'll find all that out later on" He said with a grin "Half past two right?" He confirmed their appointment with the doctor, his hands finding her stomach once again. This was their first time getting to actually see the baby and hear its heartbeat. Olivia couldn't help but smile as her hands joined with his; he was so excited about becoming a father and about their future life together.

"I guess I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop…" She mumbled, making her way back into the bedroom to get dressed for another long day ahead.

"What are you talking about?"

She gave him a knowing look; they both knew what she meant. They had been waiting for the last three weeks for their world to explode all around them, every dirty little secret to be exposed. Waiting for the backlash of hate and harsh words from people who called themselves friends, until they found out what the couple had been up to behind Elliot's back.

"It's not the 1920's Liv, you're not gonna get hung, drawn and quartered or burned at the stake for sleeping with me."

"It's not funny Bri and plus was that not for witches?" She stomped around the bedroom yelling at him. "I don't want everyone thinking I'm some sort of hussy!"

"Who is gonna think that!?" He yelled back "Tell me. Cragen? He won't. As long you are happy that's all he cares about, you know you're like a daughter to him. Don't you think he's gonna be thrilled that you're happy and you're having a baby? Amaro isn't gonna bother, he hates Elliot anyway and Rollins wasn't that fond of him either. And you know Fin has never been his biggest fan." He stressed and pulled her close "You have to stop worrying about this." He kissed her head "Everything is going to be fine. And anything or anyone that has a problem with that can go to hell."

"I love you." She mumbled against his mouth "You really don't care do you?"

"About what? What other people think of me? Hell no" He pulled back "As long as you are happy, that is it. I don't give a damn what other people think of me. I know they are gonna put the blame on me for us. Saying I seduced you and all that, let them, doesn't bother me."

"Let them blame you? So what? It's my fault?"

"Who the hell said that?"

"You just said 'let them blame me' as if it was my fault we're together?" She felt the angry rise in her veins.

"Are you kidding me with this? Us being together is a _fault _now?"

"What?"

"You just said that!"

"This is why I can't tell them!" She shouted, her hands running angrily through her hair. "This! What are we? What are we even doing?"

Brian stood stoic in the middle of her apartment, stunned that yet again this was the conversation they were having. It seemed to be the only problem they really had or it felt like the only one, they had so much to sort out but this seemed to be their biggest problem, every argument was about them or people finding out about their 'situation' as she had called it so many times.

"You know what? I'm outta here." Brian grabbed his jacket and keys and stormed out of her apartment.

Olivia called after him shouting apologies and reminders of the doctor's appointment. She slammed the door behind her, sobbing into her hands at the state of their relationship. Perfect one minute, tarnished the next. One thing was for sure, she swore to herself and to their child that it would not be like this forever. She knew she was the one that had to make the change.

.

"_Babe, it's me…I just erm, I'm sorry about before, you know I didn't mean it. I just…I wanted to make sure you were still coming, you know, to the appointment…call me back…please_. _I love you_"

Brian replayed the message four times, his heart tugging a little more each time at the sound of desperation in Olivia's voice. No way in hell was he going to miss this appointment, or any of them for the months to come; he was fully committed to her and to this baby and nothing was going to stop him from being the best father he could possibly be. He couldn't help but feel frustrated and he knew Olivia was as well. It was a difficult situation that neither had ever experienced before, they were in love, completely and utterly but there were tiny little insignificant things holding them back, in the long run, they didn't matter, they both knew that but for right now, their biggest obstacle was everybody else.

He had come to terms with the fact that there may be some backlash when it finally comes out that they are together, he expected it. Olivia on the other hand was far too worried about everyone else, he knew that somewhere in the back of her mind she didn't care but she couldn't help but feel guilty, feel anxious about what everyone's reaction would be.

Brian sped up as he made his way through the hectic streets of New York City towards the hospital where he knew Olivia would be waiting, at 2:10pm he knew he was short on time, probably going to be late but he knew he'd use the lights if he had to, when it came to cars, being a cop definitely had its perks.

Olivia sat in the waiting area, surrounded by a few expectant mothers, some like her barely showing and others looking ready to pop. She gazed around at the information posters on the walls and the pamphlets on the tables. There was so much to know about babies and pregnancy, breast-feeding and nutrition, it made her nervous. For years she had wanted children, she had felt that tug in her heart and the desire deep in her soul to be a mother, to raise a child and now it was happening, she felt as nervous and scared as ever. She glanced at her watch at twenty after two and had decided to herself that Brian was too mad to show up, her heart thudded hard in her chest, it was the first appointment and he was already bowing out.

"Olivia Benson?" A redheaded nurse called her name twice before she realised it was her turn. Brian still hadn't shown.

.

"Excuse me, has Olivia Benson been seen yet?"

Brian rushed to the admittance desk, ten minutes late praying to god they hadn't started yet. His heart pounded in his chest when a nurse showed him to the exam room. He hesitantly knocked on the door awaiting an invitation to open. He heard muffled sounds and a faint 'come in' from his girlfriend. He carefully opened the door; she was too busy tying the gown around herself to notice it was him.

"Hey…"

She whipped her head round to face him, tears immediately filling her eyes, damn hormones made her cry at everything already and she knew it would only get worse.

"Hi…" She sat on the exam bed "You came"

"Of course I did." He stepped closer to her, his hand softly grabbing her, kissing her fingers "I wouldn't miss this for the world."

She tried not to cry and pulled him to her so he stood in between her legs, her arms around his neck. "Bri, I'm so sorry about…"

"No." He stopped her "Don't be. It's nothing; we'll talk about it later okay? For now let's just focus on this little one" He grinned, his hand covering her belly.

.

Brian watched the screen in awe as the doctor began explaining everything that they could see. His hand gripped Olivia's tight and his other hand gently rubbed her thigh.

"So this is the head…" She pointed to the screen; Brian stood up from his chair and leaned in a little to get a closer look. Olivia watched him only for a second, mesmerised at how interested he was before turning her head back and watching their tiny baby float around the screen.

The doctor pointed out the little legs and arms "And this little fluttering thing, see here…" She pointed to the little flashing part "That's your baby's heartbeat, you guys wanna hear it?"

Olivia nodded with tears in her eyes; this tiny little being was actually inside of her. Her hand covered her mouth as the fast, strong echo of their child's heartbeat filled the room, she turned to Brian who had covered his own mouth with their joined hands, his lips pursing against them, continually kissing her hand as he wiped his own tears from his face.

"That's our kid" He grinned, letting out a laugh.

"It is indeed" The doctor smiled at the couple "I'll print you guys out some pictures if you'd like?"

.

"Hey, come back to the station with me?"

Brian raised his eyebrow at her question "You sure?"

She just grinned and help up the sonogram picture in front of her mouth "This just got a lot more real" She laughed "Plus, I have to tell Cragen at some point right?"

He stopped dead in his tracks and pulled her to him, their bodies crashing against each other as his lips fused with hers in a passionate lip lock that had attracted the attention of a few people coming to and from the hospital entrance.

"Hmm, Do that again…" Olivia mumbled against his mouth, her hands wrapping themselves around his neck as they kissed again.

.

The elevator ride was silent, Brian stood nervous in the corner with Olivia pressed against his side.

"We're really doing this?"

"Yep, I'll tell Cragen now, maybe not the rest of them but definitely Cragen. " She told him confidently.

"And if they suspect why I'm here?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it." She smiles at him before grabbing his hand. "I love you"

"Love you too" He whispers in her ear.

They wait for the doors to open before walking into what they were both hoping was an empty squad room; turns out the team were all there. Brian hastily followed Olivia into the Captain's office, hoping to not bring too much attention to himself.

"Cap, I eh, well, _we_ have to tell you something."

Cragen looked up at the pair who were clearly nervous about something, being a detective for thirty plus years, you can usually tell. "Okay, what's up?"

Olivia glanced at Brian who nodded back. "We are together." She said with confidence "We have been for a while and yeah, I thought I should let you know."

The silence in the room wasn't as awkward as they thought it would be, until Cragen stood and walked around to the front of his desk, perching himself on the edge.

"The two of you?" He pointed between them "You serious about each other?"

"Very" Brian added from the back of the room, coming forward to stand beside his girlfriend.

"Can I ask what happened with Elliot?" He gave Olivia a concerned gaze

"It erm, didn't work out. I broke up with him a few months ago."

Cragen looked suspiciously between the two of them for a few moments before Olivia piped up

"I hurt Elliot, I know I did and yes I feel guilty for how it came about but no, I don't regret it. I can't regret it, I am happy Captain, I think I'm the happiest I've ever been." Brian looked over at her with a smile on his face as she grabbed his hand.

"There's something else, you might need a new detective for a while…" Olivia pulled the grainy sonogram picture from her purse and handed it to Cragen.

He held the picture in his hands, barely able to make out the tiny living thing inside his number one detective and the only daughter figure he's ever had. She was having a baby, she was finally getting what she wanted and deserved.

"You guys..?" He held the picture towards them and watched the chershire grins spread across their faces. They both nodded and Cragen stood, handing the photo back to Olivia he did something very out of character.

He pulled her close into a hug. "Congratulations Olivia." He said quietly in her ear, feeling himself well up at the whole situation. "You too Brian" He reached over and shook Brian's hand.

"Thanks, Captain" Olivia replied, her voice breaking as she wiped the stray tear from her eyes. "Damn it, I've cried too much already today." They all laughed.

"You know you're on desk duty now right? I'm not risking anything with you." He pointed sternly.

"I kinda figured that" She chuckled.

.

"Liv, go to sleep."

"I'm trying"

"No you're not"

"Yes I am!" She laughed unable to keep the grin off her face. She turned her head on the pillow and gazed at Brian, one hand slung over his eyes the other resting on her stomach. "Sorry, I'm just kinda giddy right now."

"I know babe, I am too but I'm working really early in the morning, stupid stakeout…" He groaned "Please let me sleep."

She rolled her eyes and placed her hand over his on her stomach "Hey kid, don't be a grump like your daddy when you don't get enough sleep okay? Thanks. Love you." She softly spoke.

Brian rolled over onto his side, his arm falling over her waist "Hey kid, don't keep daddy awake all night just to be funny like your mama does" He growled into her ear pulling her closer to him, placing soft kisses on her shoulder.

"Love you, mama."

"Love you, daddy."

.

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_**any thoughts?**_


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